When He Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

Phùng Hải

I don’t love you anymore.

It was the very first time I’d heard those words spoken to me. Sure… Boys have stopped loving me of course that happens. Usually it’s because we knew it was heading there. It wasn’t necessary to add insult to the pain. Words were never necessary. But this was different. It came crashing down like a ton of bricks. I had to ask, when, why, how??? It didn’t matter what he was saying. All I could hear was the echo of those first words. 

I don’t love you anymore.

I thought to myself… What had I done to warrant such a feeling? I had been inconsistent, impatient, and impractical. All the negatives perhaps that he could think of… Were they enough to just stop loving me? All I asked was for him to love me more. Did he completely misunderstand my request… By not loving me at all? Maybe he was joking… Would he start laughing and call me a crazy kook for believing him in the first place? So many questions to try and make sense of it all. I moved closer to him hoping that he would realize that it was absolutely not true. I thought he would feel my love and this would be infectious… I knew he would feel it. But he remained strong. He would not give in or retreat. Suddenly, after those words were repeated again and again…

I don’t love you anymore.

I became very weak. I succumbed to the reality. I was ashamed for not believing him the first time he said it. I even asked for another chance… To make him love me. Yes “make” him love me again. I was reduced to this. Like a true gentleman… he would not allow it knowing that he was done. I turned away from him and closed my eyes tightly as if to hold my tears back. But more than tears came, it was a feeling of not being able to breathe between each cry, with each heavy gasp of air… my weeping continued… I could not stop it. He began to pull me towards him. His arms around me… making me feel so safe. He hugged me tighter, consoling me with each sob… and I started to be calm. He was my comfort without saying a thing. I clutched back onto him with all of the love that I had… And just for a moment it was as if he never uttered those horrible words…

I don’t love you anymore. TC mark

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