Every time I come back into town to attend a family event, I’m constantly asked, “Are you still single? When will you bring home a man? Why are you still single?” I get the same 21 questions from strangers as well, and it’s definitely getting old!
Even on social media, there’s a constant emphasis put on “relationship goals” and being in a happy relationship. In fact, I’ve experienced that society places a great deal of pressure on women to get married and have a family by a certain age. Lord forbid you miss that deadline, because that, my friend, must suggest that there is something wrong with you!
Sarcasm aside, I definitely want to get married and have a family, but I understand that timing is everything. I’m in no rush; however, the world seems to be. Sometimes I feel like being single is frowned upon or depicted as lonely or depressing. The reality is that being single can foster so much individual growth, equipping you to become a better person for your potential mate.
Don’t get me wrong, I have had moments where I felt like I was being punished or was, in a sense, cursed. I wanted to throw myself a pity party, and I’d get upset about guys messing over me. But lately I’ve been working on changing my perspective. I wasn’t being punished; instead, some of my choices in men were my own fault. At times, I simply chose to ignore the red flags.
Most importantly, I have realized that it is just not my time to be in a relationship. That may very well be the same for you too. You can utilize this period in your life to focus on improving your personal development and shaping your future.
The single life is a time to:
1. Be more productive
Being single offers a lot of alone time, or what I like to call “me time,” which can be used to your advantage. There are often fewer distractions when you’re single and therefore can devote more time to concentrate on establishing and pursuing personal goals.
2. Go on that trip that you’ve always wanted to take
Save up and start that business you’ve been thinking about launching. Now, I’m not saying that you can’t accomplish goals while married or with someone, but it can become more complex. Starting a family comes with more responsibilities, additional finances, and less alone time. Take this opportunity to be fully invested in you.
3. Build a deeper connection within
Use this time to focus on improving yourself mentally and emotionally. I have spent hours closed off in my room to pray and devote my attention towards God and ultimately expand my spiritual journey.
I am definitely an advocate for working to improve oneself, whether that entails going to therapy, working out, traveling, or connecting more with family and friends. Whatever you do, choose to be a little selfish, if that’s what you want to call it, and enjoy yourself!
Remember, this is not an awful or sad season. Yes, there are times when I wish I could have that companionship, but I am perfectly content with being single for now! Do not allow social media, friends, family, or strangers cloud your outlook and experience as a single person. Life is what you make of it, no matter your relationship status.