To My Toxic Half, I’m So Much Better Without You

Dedicated to all of you who are struggling or have struggled with the pain of a toxic relationship. You are stronger than you think. You are stronger than you know.
Genessa Panainte
Genessa Panainte

For these many years and some months, there wasn’t a day that went by you did not impact my life. You never failed to leave me. For a while, I thanked you for that. Never once would you let your presence remain unnoticed. During the nights I cried myself to sleep or those fleeting moments of pure joy, I knew you’d always be there.

Now, you’re gone. And you won’t be missed.

It was never meant to be a game, but to you it always was. Your only intentions were to manipulate, conquer, and see how much farther you’d get this time around in witnessing my sanity start to diminish. Slowly, you tried killing me as I found myself engulfed in your welcoming, yet venomous arms when I was at most vulnerable. There was a familiarity about you that arrived in many versions that stemmed from different people.

You knew me. You saw right through me. Always strangling me. Always competing with me and wooing me into the depths of your destruction. Lingering was your forte, you know. I almost believed I enjoyed your company. You almost had me fooled. But the jokes on you because I beat you to the kill. You couldn’t break me down this time around. I wouldn’t ever let you.

Now, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I can’t help but crack a smile as I exhale all your bullshit away from my mind and heart.

Today, I no longer feel you lingering. Today, I have buried your toxicity along with those I have chosen to walk away from.

You saw me at my worst and basked in it. Now while at my best, you are banned from contributing even a sliver of your presence in my life. Because you see, you were the one who needed me in the end. I never needed you.

I am better than you and better without you. What are you without me?

So, I shall leave you with these last three words, my dear foe: Go fuck yourself. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

New York City gal who simply aspires to inspire.

Keep up with Chelsey on Instagram

More From Thought Catalog