Love at first sight – whether it’s with a person or a place, in life full of endless uncertainty (seriously, how can you ever be sure?), many of us dream of a moment when we just know, from the very first exposure. We long for the universe to say, “I see how hard you’ve worked. Here, have this happiness. No, no – don’t get up. This one’s on me.” We ache for the comfort that moment would bring.
We worry and we drink, and when we pray, we whisper, “Not my will, but Yours. But also, here are my preferences.” Then we worry some more and drink some more, and wonder when – if – everything will work out. Because it doesn’t matter where we are; all we care about is where we haven’t made it to yet. And sometimes it’s purposeful. We’re selectively blind – afraid of wanting whatever “it” is because “it” isn’t what we spent our early twenties dreaming about:
He isn’t tall enough. We aren’t enough alike. The ocean isn’t close enough. There aren’t enough skyscrapers here.
Fear is healthy. More specifically, a fear of settling is good for the soul. You want more, and you deserve more. You deserve to have everything work out.
But see, what romantics haven’t told us is that there are different variations of the “I-just-knew” moment.
Maybe you held his eyes a second longer than usual and realized that the boy you don’t remember meeting is actually kind of perfect for you. Maybe you left the group hang and started toward your car, but turned around and went back inside because this place is actually kind of cool.
Maybe everything has kind of worked out while you weren’t paying attention. Scary, huh? It’s not at all what you wanted, and yet it is.
It’s okay to want what you want, but it’s also okay to not get it sometimes, because sometimes it’s not about the first moment. It’s about the second. And the third.
And all of the moments after.