Thought Catalog

23 Things You Learn From A Breakup

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  1. Google’s search box has a 2048 character limit.
  2. When you type the word “alone” over and over, the 2048th character is an o.
  3. Your body is a hydration machine — even if you cry for an hour straight, you will still have tears left.
  4. You shouldn’t book a flight for a vacation 4.5 months in advance.
  5. There is a limit to how many times you can listen to your neighbors have sex before shoes are thrown at the wall.
  6. That teddy bear that you thought was a clichéd gift is a really good listener.
  7. There is no limit to how many times you can listen to Christina Perri’s “Jar of Hearts,” even when the lyrics have absolutely nothing to do with your situation.
  8. Sexy pictures do not resuscitate long-lost attraction — no matter how sexy.
  9. Pizza is only a stand-in for actual love.
  10. Chocolate is a pretty good representation of love, but it won’t hold you at night.
  11. When the cashier tells you you’re buying a “beautiful blouse,” he’s not making a statement about how beautiful you are and how stupid that guy was for letting you go.
  12. Smiling at children does not make you feel better.
  13. Giving couples dirty looks makes you feel better.
  14. Pet-free apartment buildings were created by someone who never went through a break-up.
  15. You know that scene on Friends when Ross and Rachel argue and then Rachel locks the door to the coffeehouse, and then Ross tries to get in, but she has to unlock multiple locks, and then finally she opens the door, and they have that amazingly passionate kiss—oh, and of course it’s raining?  Yeah.
  16. G-chat is detrimental to your non-stalking mission.
  17. That time-machine is taking way too long to be completed.
  18. There may, in fact, be a good reason all of your friends from high school stayed in Ohio and married as soon as possible.
  19. Tons of other people get through this situation without being reduced to psychotic messes who can’t function in regular society, so you should be able to, too.
  20. When someone pushes you away, it’s not an invitation to try harder to stay.
  21. You can’t save something that’s already dead.
  22. Words are useless.
  23. In the end, it’s what he didn’t say that stays with you the most. TC mark
image – Jetportal

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    • http://www.oneyearintexas.com Perfect Circles

      re: 15

      Topped only when they watch the Prom Video and she finally gets it.

    • Janelle

      Too real. And raw. And subtle.

    • Anonymous

      Wow.

    • http://twitter.com/Buffalogal Nicole Shoe

      so. so. TRUE!!!! I HATE jar of hearts and keep listening to that god damn song. I have also thought about #18, but then shake my head and try and think about the cool things ive done otherwise.

    • Sam Monserrate

      well that last few numbers hit deep

    • Anonymous

      Thanks for writing.

    • https://twitter.com/iamthepuddles Jordana Bevan

      preach

      • https://twitter.com/iamthepuddles Jordana Bevan

        also, when it doubt twilight soundtracks out. Roslyn, Satellite Heart, Slow Life, and Possibility got me through the last year. Drown your sadness in a pint. Drown your sadness in someone else’s saliva. Drown your sadness in MANY someones’ saliva. Let someone else ‘drown’ their ‘sadness’ in you (thank god I don’t write erotica). Recruit a friend to stalk you with a camera for a night on the town and take intimate pictures with as many people as possible and and then post them as passive aggressive profile pictures for the next 2 months. Ruin their favorite band. Steal their credit card and go shopping… “Can’t believe that I caught my man cheatin, so I found another way to make him pay for it all. So I went to Neiman-Marcus on a shopping spree and on the way I grabbed Soley and Mia and as the cash box rang I thought everything away.”

        • http://twitter.com/dianasalier diana salier

          i’ve waited long enough to tell you that i love your username. i hope it’s a reference to submarine.

        • https://twitter.com/iamthepuddles Jordana Bevan

          you betta believe it :) :)

    • http://twitter.com/raystraight Ray Straight

      Totally digging #23.

    • Sophia

      “Tons of other people get through this situation without being reduced to psychotic messes who can’t function in regular society, so you should be able to, too.”

      This article makes me feel so much less alone. This is me, and these are all happening to me, and I guess I’m not the only one. Thank you.

    • CUinNYC

      24. Your happiness is before you, not behind you. – My fortune cookie just told me so.

    • http://twitter.com/jennifersussex Jennifer Sussex

      If your friends stayed in Ohio and got married as soon as possible that probably means they’re just boring. 

    • Guest

      Running to the other side of the planet won’t help you forget

    • Anonymous

      Yay… thoroughly depressing! TGIF, mofos!

    • Toodle68

      “You shouldn’t book a flight for a vacation 4.5 months in advance.”

      Learned this one the hard way.. although not a vacation, it was 2 long weekends. One I managed to cancel with a small loss, the other I could not cancel at all. I went anyway on my own and it was tough being in a nice hotel room on my own..

    • Anonymous

      phlpn.es/7x9vmd

    • Guest

      “Tons of other people get through this situation without being reduced to psychotic messes who can’t function in regular society, so you should be able to, too.”

      MY LIFE! I am constantly telling myself this…

    • Anonymous

      phlpn.es/7x9vmd

    • Shaina

      In the end, it’s what he didn’t say that stays with you the most. 

      This.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Desi-Kocevska/100000821388183 Desi Kocevska

      Adele should read this.

    • http://twitter.com/kaimcn Kai

      24. He’s a stupid poopface.

    • http://itellstories.org Sameer Vasta

      Sigh.

    • gues

      24: Unless he send you a two page facebook message deconstructing every part of you, telling you that you don’t constitute a human being, tells you to do kegel exercises, throws his new relationship in your face, quotes famous psychologists in order to prove his point that youre worthless, throws your issues in your face that you cried to him about merely a month before.

      Not like that happened to me 1.5 weeks ago. I would much rather have the things not said than that.

    • Paxton719

      Fuck you, G-chat!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=514010848 Yann Icus

      hard-edged truths, but also made me smile… Good list.

    • Elise Benito

      Jamie

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