1. Close your eyes while drinking an ice-cold glass of hose water. Pretend you are drowning at a hotel pool in Miami.
2. Put your head in the oven while listening to “Wouldn’t It Be Nice” by the Beach Boys.
3. Place a fan near your bathtub full of cold saltwater to create “waves”. Turn it on and make sure to lather up on the sunscreen. Bring a beach ball.
4. Wear a fanny pack.
5. Bring a large rock into your shower. Sit on it and turn cold water on. Pretend you are bathing under a waterfall in South America.
6. Pitch a tent in your living room. Invite some friends over to drink beer in a circle just outside of the tent until you are ready to sleep. When you hit a threshold of drunk and sleepy, say nothing — just crawl in there and don’t come out until morning.
7. Call your mom and tell her all about your “vacation.” Have fun making up all the details of your hotel, how annoying your travel friends are, and all the food you ate. Tell her you just can’t wait to get home and go back to work.
8. Invite some girls over and gossip. Make daiquiris. “Sun bathe” in your living room with self-tanner. Get orange and complain about your tan lines.
9. Get on a local bus. Take tons of pictures and post them on Instagram. Make it seem like you are in a foreign place. For example, a dumpster in NYC could also easily be a dumpster in Prague. Fun!
10. Buy some fish at a pet store. Fill your bathtub with water and throw them in there. Put on your scuba mask and get in there for an underwater adventure. To make it even more realistic, throw a crab in there too. Maybe a little turtle as well. Get creative.
11. Wear a Hawaiian shirt to a dinner at a very fancy seafood restaurant. Pretend it is all-inclusive and don’t worry about the bill.
12. Taste your own salty tears, the ocean water of your soul.