47 Very Important Sex And Dating Tips For Men
By Chelsea Skye
- STOP SENDING SELFIES TO GIRLS. IT’S NOT HOT. IT WILL NEVER BE HOT.
- When taking a dick pic, take it from the underside. It makes it look bigger and often features a daunting vein, which says business. Blood flow business.
- When guys eat a lot of food, it’s hot.
- Don’t talk shit about other guys, it doesn’t read well.
- Stop looking at me in the eyes when you go down on me, this is my moment not ours.
- Bitches LOVE flowers.
- Bitches love compliments.
- Bitches like almost getting stitches AKA dominate these bitches.
- Girls don’t like being called bitches.
- We both know it’s never just the tip.
- Be confident and if you’re not, fake it. I have this conversation with girls all the time about wanting confident guys. But don’t be cocky or “too cool for school” because that’s not hot.
- Make a point to talk to my girlfriends if you don’t know them when we are all hanging out.
- Don’t talk about how rich you are. It’s not hot. Just be cool and nice.
- Please don’t ever complain about your weight or the way you look.
- Hold the door open for me. Anything that has a door. Car. Restaurant. Your bedroom. Chanel.
- I don’t like burping. I don’t think other girls do too and if they “don’t mind it,” then they probably do it themselves. Class up bitch.
- Tell me how good I look dressed and undressed.
- Contrary to popular belief, it’s actually not funny when cum gets in a girl’s eye. It hurts and their eye will be bloodshot all day (so I’ve heard).
- Go down on girls and then make out with them because they’re bi-curious and it’s like killing two birds with one stone, but no girl dies and she just gets to see what her pussy tastes like.
- Make sure your nails are trimmed.
- You can’t just stick your dick inside a girl without making her wet and don’t assume she is without touching her.
- Don’t jack hammer my pussy. Don’t go from side to side like you’re cross-country skiing.
- When pizza’s on a bagel, you can eat pizza anytime.
- Don’t tell us our friends are hot. We already know they are.
- Calling girls to ask them out instead of texting is dope.
- C-H-I-V-A-L-R-Y.
- Don’t try to make us jealous because you’re insecure.
- The second you put your dick inside a girl: BEWARE of EMOTIONS to follow.
- I don’t believe in game playing or rules. If you want to see someone then call them.
- Don’t buy deep V-necks unless you’re Greek then I guess it’s cultural or whatever.
- Don’t tell us about your past relationships or girls you’ve fucked. Really don’t care.
- If we are on a date and you run into someone you know and start talking for awhile, introduce me so I don’t stand there with nothing to do and have to text someone, which will be my girl friend to complain about this moment.
- Never and I mean never shave off all of your pubic hair. It doesn’t make your dick look bigger.
- Don’t say your going cum over and over and then take 10 more minutes.
- Don’t try to secretly put it in my ass by fucking me really hard and “accidentally” slip because that really hurts.
- One time a guy asked me when he was going to see me again at the end of a date and it was really cute. Doesn’t work it we don’t like you though. Then it’s like UGH never!
- If you don’t go down on a girl you’re a terrible person.
- Send me a dick pic so I can show it to my girl friends and have something to talk about so we feel like we are so Sex and the City.
- FYI – No one likes Miranda on Sex and the City. Just a random fact.
- Don’t take too long on purpose to answer texts because that’s stupid and we are texting our girl friends wondering what we did wrong.
- Clean your fucking bathroom. Why are there so many little hairs on your sink? It’s fucking gross.
- If you don’t need to wear Magnums, please be real about it and stop. Just stop.
- If you pull out a Magnum, we feel like Charlie Bucket discovering a Golden Ticket.
- Guys who have big dicks – when you don’t mention having one and it’s a discovery for us like Lewis and Clark on a sexual expedition, that’s so cool. And let us do the whole, “Oh my god you know it’s big!” and just ask, “Is it?”
- If your dick is small, make a lot of money.
- If your dick is average, be really good in bed.
- If your dick is big, you can treat girls like shit for the rest of your life and they will keep coming back.