Thoughts Every 20-Something Woman Has While Trying To Navigate Various Dating Apps

DATING APP: TINDER

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Thoughts:

There’s so much ‘garbage’ on here I have to weed through. I have so many matches I’m getting so overwhelmed. Ugh, it’s only because they all just want sex on this app. They swipe right on every girl. I’m totally deleting this and getting Bumble.

DATING APP: BUMBLE

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THOUGHTS:

Wow this really is a better version of Tinder. Guys have actual jobs on here and don’t look like they could potentially murder me. Is the prerequisite for this app that you were in a frat? Should I say ciao so he’ll think I’m cultured? No I should stick to English, how about hi? Hey there! No too aggressive… Hey what’s ^…what is this AIM? Ugh I hate that the girl has to say hi first, what do I have to buy his drink too? And open the door for him? I’m all about equal rights but I don’t know if I can do this. THIS IS THE WORST IM SO STRESSED OUT, HOW DO GUYS DO THIS ALL THE TIME? THANK GOD I’M FEMALE.

DATING APP: HAPPN

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THOUGHTS:

Damn that guy that passed is SO HOTT. Why aren’t we matching? He probably didn’t see me. UGH THERE’S TOO MANY PEOPLE ON THIS APP I’M DROWNING WITH CHOICES I CAN’T MAKE CHOICES.

DATING APP: THE GRADE

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THOUGHTS:

I’M UGLY, I’M PRETTY, IM OKAY I GUESS. HOW IS THIS GUY A B+ AND IM A C??? Who gives out these grades? WHY ARE WE EVEN GRADING? DOESN’T THE INSIDE MATTER ANYMORE?

DATING APP: HINGE

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THOUGHTS:

This is so much better. There are WAY less creepy guys because like you have mutual friends with these guys. I never match with the one in the group that I actually liked. Gee, I can’t wait until tomorrow to get 6 more bachelors I don’t find attractive…but wait I actually can’t wait why must I wait until tomorrow, now what do I do? *Checks Tinder in the meantime*

DATING APP: ALL OF THE ABOVE

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THOUGHTS:

I’m SO over apps. I already deleted Tinder AND Bumble. It really is exhausting after awhile. I just want to meet someone out, organically. Like in the moment. Doesn’t anyone go out, have a real conversation and feel a spark anymore?!

ONE WEEK LATER:

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*Hears about Coffee Meets Bagel* *Aggressively Downloads* Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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