There are a few rules when it comes to having a friends with benefits relationship, and it’s important to remember that a lot of them can and will be thrown out during the time you two are together. It’s so easy to get lost in the situation and completely forget the conversation you had in the beginning when you both decided to sleep together with no strings attached. Having said that, it’s actually more important to break most of the rules.
1. Find a Friend
An obvious first rule is to find a friend you are physically attracted to. And keep in mind that this person should not only exude sex appeal, but you should be mentally attracted to him or her as well, because remember, this person is a friend. Only then will you be able to get yourself in a situation that calls for making this person more than a friend, resulting in either resisting the urges and keeping this friend only a friend, or simply just going for it.
2. Have A Detailed Conversation About What You Two Will Be
Before any shenanigans take place, you two should have a conversation about what it is exactly that is going to happen. Communication is key almost always. Is there anything that you shouldn’t be doing? Is there anything that you should most definitely be doing? Does one of you need to pull a Pretty Woman? No kisses on the mouth? This conversation should be a guideline of the physical part of the relationship.
3. Put Both of Your Goals on the Table
You might both be doing this for different reasons, and both of those reasons should be out in the open and not only gossiped about later with friends. Remember that this person you’re sleeping with is in fact your friend, but once you start sleeping together, you won’t be able to sort out your feelings with him or her. Upfront, this person should know where you want things to go and what you’re ultimately looking for.
4. Only Spend Time Together at Night
In order to be very straightforward about the relationship, the time spent together should remain only at night. There shouldn’t be any lingering until breakfast and a cup of coffee to confuse anyone. Don’t ask to go see a movie, specifically that romantic comedy that you’ve been wanting to see for a while now. Don’t allow this person to meet your parents, your friends, or your coworkers. Questions will arise that you won’t be able to answer.
5. Take a Minute to Remember the First Conversation You Two Had
You must remember the specifics of the conversation you had before the relationship even began. You both promised you wouldn’t have feelings for each other that stepped over the line of friendship, and now is not the time to expose them anyway. In fact, to continue what you have, you should just pretend there aren’t feelings at all. Bury them deep inside if you want to keep sleeping with your friend. Having feelings may potentially ruin the benefits aspect of this friendship.
6. Remind Yourself That You’re Just a Friend
When things start to feel more than just sleeping together, remember that you used to do all of these things before you’ve seen this person naked. Remind yourself that these things would happen even if you never saw this person naked. Getting lunch every now and then is a very friendly act. The fact that you’ve slept with this person does not mean that lunches are now acts of romance.
7. Don’t Get Jealous
When you see the person you’re sleeping with talking to a potential romantic interest, run the other way. Don’t let any introductions occur. And at the unfortunate event that you are introduced, don’t let yourself ruin a potential relationship for your friend.
8. Don’t Become Reliant
The most important rule is to remember that you shouldn’t become reliant on this person. Remember that this person is a sort of place holder until you can find someone who can satisfy all your needs, and not just the sexual ones. Don’t assume you have weekend plans already.
9. Don’t Allow Feelings into the Relationship
The relationship at best should be platonic with a small amount of nudity. If you let feelings in, you won’t be friends anymore, and chances are, you won’t have anybody to sleep with anymore either. The fear of feelings to the person who will never be able to reciprocate them is more terrifying than being in the grocery store while wearing sweatpants and coming face to face with an ex who got hot, and then seeing their equally as hot spouse.
10. Break Most or All of These Rules
The friends with benefits relationship is based off of spontaneity and they almost always happen because one person or both just aren’t thinking things through. They derive from the sense that there could be more, but how much more is where these relationships go awry.
To believe and claim that nothing will change between the two of you is foolish. There is no going back to the ‘no strings attached’ conversation and pretending that no feelings changed throughout the relationship with words like, “But you said we were just—“ or, “I thought you knew what you were to me.”
The most important part of friends with benefits relationships is to understand that things change, and when these things change, it gives you the reassurance that an actual relationship between you two would or would not work. All friends with benefits relationships must come to an end, and most are very short-lived. While breaking these rules, you will have the opportunity to become something more or something less.