Listen up, girls. I want you to be banging as many (or as few) dudes as your heart and hormones desire. I want you to be safe, receive consent, give consent, and have sex until you can’t have sex anymore. If it feels good, you’re doing it right. However, a lot of people seem to be under the impression that sleeping with someone makes a woman less valuable to the next person she chooses to be in a relationship with.
The unfortunate part about this is that if you are a woman with these beliefs, most likely, you’re going to end up with a man who’s a total asshole because he solely believes that virgins are the only worthy women in the world. And if you’re a man who believes this, then you’re that asshole. It’s a circle and it’s a trap.
There are several things wrong with this situation, but I’m going to focus on the fact that a lot of people don’t actually know who “the one” is. So with that in mind, how is a woman even supposed to know who she should sleep with? She could meet a guy that is totally the love of her life, and she will feel so safe and so comfortable with this man that she would get full-on naked with him. And this man could dump her. So, she’s stuck, isn’t she? No longer a virgin, no longer valuable, but back out into the dating pool.
The next man comes along, and this woman still has the belief that she is less valuable now that her virginity is with her ex-boyfriend, but this new guy has all of the qualities he had. She loves him! They fall in love and it’s magical, but she knows that she’s going to have to tell him that she’s slept with someone before. So if she tells him, he is clearly going to be unhappy with her if he possesses the same qualities as her ex-boyfriend. Then what? The woman is essentially useless now.
But there is a solution! And that solution is to stop slut-shaming and assuming that not having sex qualifies you as a better girlfriend than someone who has slept with someone or even multiple people before. Because it literally doesn’t matter. The number of people you’ve slept with does not define you as a woman, whether it’s 0 or 602.
Virginity in itself is simply a made-up concept. Everyone talks about losing your virginity, but it is not something to be lost! If anything, you’re gaining from it, whether that be pleasure, commitment, promise, experience, or whatever it is you want to receive from it. If you feel like you’re losing something by sleeping with a person, then you probably shouldn’t be sleeping with that person.
No one should be looking for a virgin to date because someone’s sex life should never be a contributing factor to whether or not that person should be pursued. Everyone needs to understand that everybody has a life before they meet, and that life does not determine the value of that individual at the present moment. Just because you’re not the first does not mean she won’t love you best.