Recently Thought Catalog published this article detailing 13 things a woman can do to be more attractive to men. I’m a hairy-legged, granola-eating, card-carrying feminist, and I’m not going to accuse this article or its writer of being misogynistic. What the article is, however, is myopic.
According to the standards set forth by this article, a woman like me should never get attention from men. I’m fat, I don’t shave my legs, I don’t wear make-up, I’m not submissive or feminine, and I swear like a goddamned fucking sailor. If John Smith were able to speak on behalf of the entire male demographic, something he seems to believe he’s qualified to do, I should be a lonely virgin who has never even been acknowledged by a man. And yet I get hit on while walking down the street; strangers buy me drinks in bars and ask for my number; I utilize online dating and often have to disable my accounts because I receive so much attention from people who want to date me or at least get me into bed.
What my above-average sex life proves is that you don’t have to fit the limited standards of beauty as defined by our society in order to be attractive, desirable, and sexually active. Life isn’t a 90210 episode where all the women are skinny and white and blonde, and all the men like their women skinny and white and blonde. In the real world, some men like their women skinny and white and blonde, and some men like their women fat and brunette and hairy, and some men like their women short, and some men like their women tall, and none of these men can speak for any other men when it comes to sexual preference. Much like ice cream, women come in different flavors, and some of us appeal to certain taste buds and not others.
Here are 5 ways that I—a fat, butch, hairy chick—maintain a fantastic sexual/romantic life:
1. Be Yourself.
There are over 7 billion people in the world, so it’s guaranteed that at least one of them will like you just as you are.
2. Wear Whatever the Fuck You Want.
Do you like wearing skinny jeans and tank tops? Rock it. Do you like pretty, feminine dresses? Go for it. Do you like cargo pants and button-up tops and combat boots? Do it. There might be someone out there who doesn’t want to fuck you because they don’t like your style. So what?
3. Do Whatever the Fuck You Want.
Do what makes you happy, and fuck the rest.
4. Be Confident.
Confidence is a choice. Choose to love yourself, and then affirm your decision daily by reminding yourself just how much of a rock star you are.
5. Love Yourself.
Again, this is a choice. If you love yourself, no one can make you feel shitty. I love myself. I love my body, I choose to spend my time with those who realize how much I rock, and I ignore anyone who thinks their distaste for me carries any weight.
John Smith is entitled to his preferences. And the men and women who have graced my bed are entitled to their preferences, and their preference happened to be me. Let’s stop trying to define subjective concepts for other people and rejoice in the fact that beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder.