I never appreciated where I was enough. I never thought I was meant to be anywhere I was. I thought I was behind. I thought I was keeping myself from something. And that’s what I hated myself for. I hated myself because I blamed myself for where I was, when all I had to do was embrace it, when all I had to do was literally let myself be.
If I had been easier on myself, I would have understood this sooner. I would have seen that where I am is where I’m meant to be.
Right now I am here and I’m meant to take all I can from it. I am here and I may never be here again, in emotions or circumstance. I may never be so wounded and desperate for answers. I may never feel so forgotten and so open to others offering to help me, love me, to empower me with their perspective, their quirk, and wisdom. I am here and I may never be as anguished and ready for love, for lightness, for a single hand reaching back for me.
My advice is to be exactly where you are. But be here and be aware of it all. Be here without blinders, without hatred, without blame, without fear.
Be here with faith and you will find that the restorative powers you need are already within you. Use them. Use faith to forgive yourself, to let yourself be, to let yourself soften around the feelings you have about yourself. Whatever they are. Because, if you can tune into them, you can understand them.
And if you can understand your feelings, you can be prepared to defend yourself against them ever overwhelming you again.
The beauty of awareness is that if you know how to conquer your own anguish and shame, you can encourage others to be their own best advocate too. You can teach them how to inch their way along the transformative path of acceptance. You can encourage them to embrace themselves for all they are today and all they are not yet. You can show them what happens when you appreciate your enoughness, that when you honor everything you are and everything you have as enough, you simultaneously open yourself to becoming more—and not because you need more but because you’re meant for it.