That’s right, you are aching less and you are accepting more. You are accepting that you don’t need to be hurting to come into a learning that is valuable.
You are accepting that the most courageous journey is the one you have never undertaken.
In fact, it is the journey you have been resisting.
You know this now in your heart, that you have been resisting the most courageous journey of all because you have been terrified. Of what? Terrified of all it might take to let life be, to let yourself live.
The courageous journey you have been fearing is the journey that exists within a space of both uncertainty and peace.
It is a journey that doesn’t need pain to instigate you toward resolve or renewed purpose.
It is the journey that is taken up when the emotional body is free of distraction, the journey where you are moving forward without seeking to deny and ignore yourself in any manner at all.
Only now have you begun to take steps along this path.
Only now do you get it, that when you had begun crying this last time, crying and shaken by your own sobs, you were horrified at yourself only because what you’ve been desperate for is your full faith in the fact that you have become stronger.
But when you cry, you forget. You forget how far you’ve come and much you have survived.
When you cry, you hate yourself because you refuse to be soft, you refuse to provide yourself the self-compassion that is essential for harmony and growth. You refuse to see the strength held within a single tear.
This hatred you have felt toward yourself comes from such blindness, from not seeing your tears for what they are, that they do not make you horrible but make you alive to all you hold in doubt, all you hunger for in life.
Beneath those tears of yours is a shaking woman shackled in fear. Do not hide her. Help her. She needs your honesty.
And only now have you begun to get honest with yourself, honest with what your fear is, that you are afraid that what you lack is faith, the faith necessary for you to soar with gold on your wings.
I believe you can go as far as you are willing to.
And you are closer to this, to realizing just how unfortunate you alone believed yourself to be, how unfortunate it was to be angry at yourself like that and for so long, angry and horrified just for crying.
You are closer to acknowledging just how badly you were hurting, how you were hurting and just tired of it.
Of course you were tired. Of course you were exhausted.
You’ve been exhausted by your own proneness to collapse. This has tired you.
You have tired you.
You’ve tired yourself just by allowing yourself to go there, allowing yourself to be anchored down by unnecessary pain.
Only now you don’t want to bottom out anymore and this is commendable of you.
I believe in these efforts, in the gifts that such effort will reward you. You are investing in your livelihood, you have begun to break upward.
You have begun to take responsibility for the reality that no one has betrayed you like you have.
That’s right, you have begun to turn a corner so to speak, to commit to new promises, to new days. You have stepped onto a path of pure light where no shadow can follow you or tarnish this fresh vision you have for your life.
The old days are closer and closer to over once and for all, the days when you would hurt yourself, the days when you would break yourself down so willingly, when you would pull yourself out of your own race for betterment so fast. You know you are done with that behavior, you know those days are gone.
And I believe you.
I believe you will not pain yourself at your own hand again, that you will not hold yourself down and disturb your own magnitude and breadth.
I believe you because I have been you, and I have gotten over myself just like you have begun to.