1. Trying to make each other jealous via Instagram photos
It usually starts like this, “I’m gonna take this photo ‘cause this guy I like is gonna see it and then he’s gonna fall in love with me. Or text me.” We’ve all done it. But THEN, there’s another level that’s the really, really bad kind and that’s when the intention turns into “I’m gonna do this ’cause the girl he’s dating isn’t as good as me and when he sees it he’ll know.” Don’t do that to your sister, you don’t know her. Or maybe you DO and maybe she does suck. Don’t manipulate how awesome YOU are by trying to make her look silly, just keep being awesome. It’ll speak for itself.
2. Private messaging other people’s boyfriends
Unless this guy is your close friend and his girlfriend is not only comfortable with you, but knows you, a private Facebook message isn’t necessary. It isn’t an email that’s more formal, it isn’t a text that’s open and direct, a Facebook message is something that lingers. It opens doors. It’s late night chats when you’re feeling lonely and something his girlfriend will most likely never see. Don’t do that. Anything you can or want to say to him should be okay enough to say publicly, if it isn’t, you shouldn’t say it. Private conversations are a relationship privilege, you’re not in one with him.
3. Complimenting how skinny each other look
Listen, we DO totally love it. No matter how cool and confident you are with your body, it feels good when someone says, “You look greatttttt, you look sooo skinny.” However, it also sends a teeny tiny message that when I was a mere seven pounds bigger I didn’t look that great. I want to eat dessert after every meal for two weeks straight if I want and not worry that you’ll think my beauty is conditional to seven pounds.
4. Withholding compliments
When you see a fellow goddess and you know she looks like a goddess, she’s glowing and her outfit is great. She’s confident and you can tell, which is making her look even more beautiful. Don’t keep it to yourself. Tell her, “you look stunning.” Even if she’s a stranger. Having a man tell you you’re beautiful creates heart flutters, but having a girl tell you you’re beautiful transcends a whole lot more than just a flirtatious icebreaker.
5. Admiring women who have “Mean Girls Syndrome”
This one is really troublesome. It’s troublesome because it reinforces the idea that in order for you to be powerful whether in social status, love or business you have to be willing to step over the bodies. It’s creating a culture of insecure and jealous women who invalidate kindness, when really, that’s what we need the most. In any situation.
6. Swooping in on someone’s dude
If he is dating someone, even if they aren’t exclusive yet… don’t go in there and go rogue because you’re competitive and wanna “win.” Go on the Bachelor if that’s what’s appealing about sex and dating. Pining over someone that’s splitting their attention makes your fellow girls feel like we’re against each other as opposed to for each other. Leave your ego and your heart in different arenas.
7. Imitating the girl who gets “more guys than you do”
Dating, mating and loving is not a race. It’s personal to each person and trying to be or act like someone who has more love, sex or names in her Little Black Book does nothing for your confidence. Building a relationship based on false advertisement is bound to fail. If you’re not super inspirational, but she posts an inspiring quote on Facebook, don’t go quoting Louise Hay tomorrow. Inauthenticity can be seen from a mile, a bar length or a “scroll” away.
8. Sending each other passive aggressive emoji texts
If I did something to piss you off, I DARE YOU to send me a heart text as a response. Use your words. Playing to the Real Housewives side of ourselves instead of the high-minded and effectively communicative version is a waste of everyone’s time. And a lack of evolution.
9. Dating all the same guys in the friend circle
First of all. I love you and I think you’re probably great in bed, a total vixen. But, I want to vomit the second I remember that you’ve had sex with the guy I’m dating. I know, you were drinking jalapeno-infused tequila and your friends left you at that bar I forget the name of and he was willing to share his Uber home and poof, it only happened four times. NBD. NO. big, big, deal. Here’s why: these guys think you can’t find something better and that’s why they’re still treating you like an asshole. They don’t respect you, or your friends. Move on, branch out. Find a dude who does.
10. Hating each other’s boyfriends
Every now and then you have a girlfriend whose boyfriend is less than favorable. As her friend your job is to express concern if she’s unhappy, but if she stays with him you have to try to be kind. If he isn’t hurting her, you just simply don’t appreciate his personality flaws, a constant expression of that opinion to her will only ruin your friendship. It’s her lesson and relationship to learn, not yours.
11. Only bringing your boyfriend drama to the brunch conversation
Sisterhood is 100% about support, listening and nurturing. BUT, that doesn’t mean you get to continuously bring the same issue, the same upset, the same irritation to every brunch or dinner party. Come prepared with things that excite, inspire, interest and invigorate you. Don’t come to bacon only to bitch. Also, don’t anticipate that your girlfriends have nothing better to talk about than men. They’ve got plenty. They’re taking on a new leadership position at work, they’re passionate about a new cause, they’re hurting because their father is losing his job and they can’t help. Talk about other areas of the heart. There are more than one.
12. Knocking each other down for being successful
SHE GOT A PROMOTION! SHE’S GOING ON TOUR! HER HUSBAND IS BASICALLY RYAN GOSLING NOTEBOOK VERSION! I hate her. Women, (especially the ones in your circle) finding joy and happiness is not a threat to you if you recognize that success isn’t limited. Happiness doesn’t go out of stock. If the ones around you are living their dream lives, you’re in good company. Your time will come. Covet nothing, congratulate everything.
13. Calling each other ugly
When are we going to understand that beauty is relative? IT’S RELATIVE. If you think someone is ugly, keep it classy and keep it to yourself. Deciding to bring it up to a friend-group how unattractive someone is shows where you place your value and if you think external beauty is the most important virtue, who’s the ugly one?
14. Praising Beyoncé before praising your Mother
….or your best friend. Or your teacher. Or the single mom on your block who’s raising two rambunctious boys and working two jobs. The more we put people on a pedestal who have a literal team of people hoisting them up there, the less we make the women who are doing the best they can feel validated and appreciated. Don’t forget that yes, you have as many hours in a day as Beyoncé, but you don’t have: two personal assistants, a driver, a manager, a hairstylist, a trainer, a makeup artist, a nanny, a stylist, a publicist, a creative team, a… you get the picture. You have YOU, you deserve to be praised and so do the chicks around you holding it together with bubblegum, enthusiasm and some affordable face cream.
15. Not admit that they’ve done all of the above
Raise your hand if you’re guilty. Raise your hand if you’re lying. There we go. Let’s stop these shenanigans. We learn, we grow and then we do better next time. Taking responsibility for your mistakes is brave and bravery is an underrated female attribute.