Well, isn’t this just the worst. You, my friend, have been over-served. You have a hangover.
Your mouth tastes like (and somehow has the texture of) an old rug soaked in beer. Your head is bumpin’. That jerk of a sun is up and you gotta be, too. You likely feel AND look terrible but you’re required to interact with other humans today and want to look less undead. I’m no miracle worker, but here are some makeup and beauty tips to help lessen the damage:
For the love of God, shower. A good drinking session has the power to leave you waking up smelling like a rotting muskrat covered in Doritos so, wash up. Bonus: The water will wake you up and make you feel better because it is a 100% true fact that showers help ease hangovers (based on personal research). Wash off any remaining makeup from the night before and get that blood pumpin’.
Perfume is needed because, well, see above. Now you don’t want to go overboard with this step because an overserved nose is highly susceptible to any smells which can increase the lovely nausea you’re trying to shake. Stick with a clean, fresh, not too overpowering scent. This is no time for anything flowery or musky. We’re just trying to lessen the stank emanating from your body.
You may think this is the perfect time to just throw every makeup product you own on your face in an attempt to cover the half-dead corpse decaying within and call it a day. You would be wrong. The first and most important thing you need to do is moisturize!
Alcohol dries out the skin something fierce so slather moisturizer on your face (and body, if you can stand up that long) to plump up the skin. The rubbing motions will get the blood flowing and help drain the puffiness from under your eyes.
For extra de-puff power, throw a couple spoons in the freezer for a few minutes. Once they’re nice and cold, place the spoons over your eyes, lie down for 5 minutes and contemplate why you ever even attempt to drink tequila.
You’re struggling to put sentences together so there’s no way you’re putting on a full face today. But, a few products can make a big difference. First, use a BB cream or tinted moisturizer as your base. Don’t waste time with foundation or powder today, you need the hydration and smoothing benefits of a BB cream. Next, skip the eyeshadow. Dark colors can weigh those tired eyes down even more and make you look worse, so stick to just a bit of eyeliner and lots of mascara to open up the eyes. Finish up with glossy or bright lip to fake a fresh-faced look.
Pro Tip: Use a nude eyeliner on your lower waterline to cancel out the redness and make eyes look whiter, brighter and less, well, hungover.
Let’s be frank – your hair probably looks pretty horrific. No worries! Pull that hair up in a high ballerina-style bun. This serves two crucial functions – you look polished and put together, plus you get a mini-face lift. Win.
Now go forth and conquer this day! (And by “conquer” I mean drag yourself out the door and begin counting down the seconds until you can reunite with your bed.)