“This isn’t happening. No seriously, this isn’t happening. I just looked out the window and pigs aren’t flying and it’s probably 90 degrees outside so hell obviously hasn’t frozen over and yet the words that are coming out of my boyfriend/girlfriends mouth are form the words, ‘it’s over’”
No. nope, tomorrow they’ll think about this and realize it’s a huge mistake and coming crying back to me for forgiveness, which I withhold but eventually give because it is literally insane to think we should break up. We’re perfect for each other, see. I mean just look at all these happy pictures of us on Facebook! Look at how many ‘likes’ we got that time we went to my parents for the holidays! I mean what does that tell you. Clearly that is not a picture of someone who is unhappy like they’re saying right now in front of me. Maybe if I just cover my ears and say, ‘I can’t hear you, I can’t hear you’ like I was five then none of this will be happening.
“I mean because what the f*&king, f#$k is this?! How dare they dump me. I’m the hotter one in this relationship. I do everything for them and this is what I get in return?! How ungrateful can they be?! Like that time they were sick and I walked 4 blocks in the snow, didn’t even take an uber, to buy chicken noodle soup! Does that not count anymore?! Oh, because it’s just so easy to find someone who can replace me.
I hope they do, I hope they do and then walk off a cliff into the abyss that is trying to date in this day and age. Yeah, swipe right on that! You know, and when I think about it, she/he was dragging me down anyway. They can take all their shit and get out because wasting this amount of years out of my life equates to them basically being a heartless she/he devil.”
“.. but what if we just change some things? I mean I could do a better job at cleaning the dishes when it’s my turn. Maybe we can go on a romantic weekend and work this out, right? I mean babe, babe, it’s me you’re talking to, me! Look how beautiful you are. I never really appreciated it before because I probably was taking you for granted, but the buck stops here. I promise. Just give it a few more months, you’ll see.
We can even go to counseling! I mean, you’re right I do still have those issues from my ex, and you have that thing with your mom that makes you distrust people and maybe a professional can help us fix all that. Let’s just go to bed, okay? Lets just sleep on this for a night…”
“ Wow. It’s over. Wow. I’m just going to sit here and cry all of the tears out of my eyes until I’m just a giant lump of nothing. I don’t even want ice cream, just all the booze in all the world. I’ll probably never find someone again. oh God, no I have to start all over again! Dating, courting, learning their likes and dislikes, it sounds exhausting. I‘m exhausted. Maybe I should just give up on love.
Am I too young to be a cynic? Probably not. Well maybe. No probably. I’m just going to binge watch The Walking Dead because that’s what I am now, basically just a sweaty zombie person. Oh right, they have the Netflix account. Maybe I can watch HBONow instead… except we were watching Game of Thrones together and now… More booze, must find more booze.
“Ok, I can do this. There’s some lots of advantages to being single. I’m definitely going to get super fit and change my hair and get that tattoo they were always so negative about. You know what, I’m going to travel. Yeah! By myself! Where is that one song by Kelly Clarkson? I just need to dance it out. I am awesome, I am amazing, someone out there is going to be happy to have me!
This may suck but it’s probably the best thing to ever happen to me. I’ll probably miss them for a while but I can totally get through this. Boys/Girls night! I still have some a lot of single friends. It’s ok, I’m ok.