I recently read an article that stated that the sexiest thing a man can do is mean what he says, and essentially isn’t a huge disappointment — essentially the article states that the “sexiest” things in life come from your actions matching up with your words. While it’s hard to disagree with the fact that honesty is one hell of a sexy thing, I slightly disagree with the notion that it’s the sexiest thing a man can do. Moreover, I completely reject that there’s only one thing that makes a guy sexy. The male author goes on to say, “ …If a man who aims to please isn’t sexy, then you need to refine your definition of sexy – for your own good.”
What the….?! Yeah, read that one again. So let me get this straight — if a guy is willing to love you and do anything for you, that’s supposed to be the sexiest thing in the world? None of the physical or nuanced emotional components matter? Moreover, a woman should just redefine what “sexy” means to her based on the way a guy treats her? As a heterosexual woman I’m going to go ahead and say that is NOT the sexiest thing a man can do. By de-sexualizing the word sexy and redefining it to mean in essence, a guy who is nice to you, feels slightly misogynistic and misleading for females in our generation. Women, you should not find a guy extra desirable and subsequently be turned on by the fact a guy is good to you. While yes, this is a quality you most certainly want in a boyfriend, the sexiest things about a man should be multi-layered and be as honest, and as sexual, as what a man would say are the sexiest things about woman.
Because there are a million factors that make a man sexy, and some of them are definitely NSFW. Sexiness, often but not entirely, comes down to the physical stuff. The way he touches you, the way he looks at you, the way he fills out a suit, or a pair of jeans, or really nothing at all. It’s his smile, and his eyes and it is most definitely his hands. When men describe what’s sexy about women, no one is surprised when physical attributes are on top of the list, the reasoning often being that these desires are “primal.” Why aren’t women given the same shallow, and sometimes physiological allowance when talking about what makes a man sexy? I won’t speak for all women, but I would be remiss if I didn’t say that what makes a man sexy has a little to do with his actual sex appeal and how he carries himself.
But if we’re talking about what the sexiest thing a man can do or be I would say the majority of it isn’t so much how he treats you — it’s equally about how he treats other people and how he treats himself. Is he kind, caring and compassionate? Is he confident and successful — and yes, honest? Does he have something he’s passionate about that fuels him to be better, not out of vanity but out of personal growth? Is he patient with himself and the people around him and does he value himself for what he can bring to a relationship? If all the answers to this are yes I can’t think of anything sexier. Looking at someone of the opposite sex and seeing that the outside matches the inside is, dare I say it, a panty dropper.
Authenticity and sincerity are rare in this day and age, and I can see why a male author would naturally assume that those are the most desirable traits to any woman. But sex appeal, while simultaneously drawing on your emotional, mental and physical attraction, can’t be rooted in how the other person sees you or treats you — because ultimately it isn’t about them, it’s about you. Maybe in an ideal world sexual connection would be based on how much integrity someone shows towards the person they’re trying to sleep with, but that’s simply not how sexuality and attraction work. It’s more personal and almost unexplainable what most women find sexy — but it sure as hell can’t be reduced to a sole mindset, and it isn’t simply the first guy to tell you’re awesome. The sexiest guy knows you’re awesome, and thinks you’re pretty sexy too.