1. Filling out your I-9 & W2 forms.
I mean honestly, every time I fill out new hire paperwork I feel like I’m reading Japanese.
2. Properly asking for a raise.
What’s the protocol for this?
3. How to perfectly draft a text to a member of the opposite sex.
English 101 has nothing on how to respond to a simple “Hey! insert winky face emoji here”
4. What exactly “business casual” attire is.
… yoga pants don’t count right?
5. Anything printer related.
Yesterday the printer at my office ran out of toner and I just stood there like an idiot and waited for the maintenance guy.
6. How to screen for a quality roommate.
I think it would have been nice if institutions of higher education offered a class on the red flags of a crazy person.
7. How to split a check 5 ways when two people have cash and everyone else has a card.
This really should be a mandatory class at some point in college. I know it would save me and my friends 20 minutes come happy hour every Friday.
8. Staying focused and alert during meetings that last longer than an hour.
Because in a lecture if you’re bored you can blend into the crowd and play Candy Crush until it’s over. The same does not apply for meetings (trust me).
9. What to post and not to post to social media.
Just a basic 101 class on when the thoughts in your head need to stay in your head, I think would greatly benefit everyone.
10. How to get drunk with class (aka being a wine snob).
Is there a difference between the notes in a pinot noir and a cabernet? Is there really such a thing as something that “pairs well” with fish? All I learned in college was if you got it, drink it.
11. How to have an adult relationship with your parents.
How is it possible that I deal with my parents more now than I ever did as a child actually living with them?
12. Exactly what you should do when your boss makes you cry at work.
Because it will happen and you will not know what the fuck to do.
13. How not to lose your shit when you have to call your cable provider, your bank, or any customer service line.
Why are there so many prompts to talk to a real life person?!
14. How to actually be a responsible adult.
For the price you pay, I feel like college should do a bit more work in terms actually creating a functional human being instead of someone who enjoys eating Chipotle and binge watching Netflix all weekend.