Sometimes you spend the weekend watching too much Netflix and this is what happens.
1. Cute Barista’s
I’m not sure which Starbuck’s you frequent, but the ones in real life have employees that look more like Seth Rogan and less like Zac Efron. Sure, every once in a while a hottie will grab your skinny soy latte order, but afterwards he’s too busy trying to get the number of the guy behind you to even bat you an eyelash.
Perfect tan, perfect make up, perfect blown out hair, perfect outfit, waxed everything – pretty much a walking selfie version of yourself is what most leading ladies look like while on screen. Off screen it’s just a disappointing mess trying to locate enough bobby pins to keep your hair off your face whilst it stubbornly sticks to your lipgloss.
3. 75 degree weather ALL THE TIME
Que the wind, rain, humidity, snow, ice storms, dust storms, drizzle, fog, and unmerciful heat that is real life.
4. Perfect Apartments
Most movies take place in cool cities like New York, DC or San Francisco and having lived in all those places I can honestly tell you that not only is it hard to find a perfect apartment there, it’s hard to find an apartment period. Yet somehow we are led to believe that the attractive people filling our screens managed to grab a prime piece of real estate and still found leftover money to beautifully decorate it with things NOT from Ikea??? Sure.
5. Quirkiness as an appealing personality characteristics
Do you ever meet people who are just plain weird? Do you ever think to yourself you’d like to hangout with them? Of course not, because quirky people are tons of fun in movies when you can turn them off but in real life they’re like bring a baby with you to a bar – terrible idea even when you say it out loud.
I don’t know about you, but I can’t even get my best friend on the phone without a crisis or week in advance scheduled Facetime, let alone enough time to have witty and comical banter while walking briskly through the downtown streets (see weather vent from above). In real life there’s way more wine, way less movement, and tons more Snapchats.
8. Perfectly timed texts
You know where characters in Rom-Coms don’t get a text? In a meetings. In the line at the grocery store just when they’re about to pay but then they realize they can’t text a reply AND dig out their debit card from their wallet while eating the box of raisins they opened before getting to the checkout . At every, single, green light while they’re driving. Nope, they get texts while they’re in bed or cozily snuggled up on the couch, you know, places you wish you were when people sent texts to you.
9. Falling in love with the person you hate
Odds are you’re not going to marry some person you once hated, that’s just not a thing. I mean, not real hate. Not gut wrenching, you killed-my-dog levels of hate. If you end up with someone like that there is a high probability one of you will end up in a 20/20 investigation.
10. Impromptu moving/ world travel
No one ever just moves away without notice. You have to go, visit the city, interview for jobs, look for a new perfect apartment, give notice, etc. You can’t just have one bad thing not work out in your personal relationships and then just decide to up and go without any warning. Same goes for international travel. How are all these people just going on spur of the moment getaways to foreign countries? Aren’t those expensive?
11. Parents with no clue
We get it, parents can be annoying and out of touch, but most kids at least call when major life decisions are being contemplated. Then towards the end the parents get to be funny and helpful with a giant checkbook in hand. Most parents don’t just show up at the end and pay the bill for everything…. Although if my parents ever wanted to get any ideas….
12. Falling in love with your best friend
WHY IS THIS A THING!!? As if any twenty-something year old female needs more of an excuse to think her guy best friend is actually the love of her life, please, spare me. I get it, he was here the whole time and you never noticed blah blah blah but just because you developed an adult relationships with a member of the opposite sex (or same, you know, whatever) does not mean that those relationships will result in marriage. How brain washed do you think we are?
13. Dream job
Mrs. Editor to the Senior Associate M.D. weather girl. In real life not everyone has a job title and those who do usually aren’t even doing that job. I get it, we’re the generation that “has it all”, brains & beauty, but having a messy personal life doesn’t mean our professional life is as neat and successful as the glass corner office we see on the screen. Plus how are you suppose to get any work done with all that traveling anyway?