23 Things Men Do That Are Incredibly Slutty

via Franckreporter
via Franckreporter

1. Message dozens of girls on dating sites with the exact same opening message in an attempt to start conversation. Do your hands not feel dirty hitting copy + paste a hundred times on the same corny pickup line?

2. Invite random girls in the bar to your bro’s party in the private room so they can drink on your open bar and are basically obligated to talk to you.

3. Wear those low-cut v-neck shirts (or, worse, the scoop neck ones that show way too much collarbone). We get it, you have a chest.

4. Send unsolicited dick pics. And they never look that good anyway, because men do not understand the concept of angles, let alone know their own.

5. Demand to get a girl’s number in the bar/club and actually text her right there to make sure it isn’t fake. If that isn’t the thirstiest possible act I don’t know what is.

6. Distribute the same dick pics to different girls.

7. Immediately go from “complimentary” to “ridiculously insulting and slut-shaming” the second a girl doesn’t respond to your advances.

8. Wear those grey sweatpants. You know the ones, sluts.

9. Put their hair in man buns. Show me a guy in a man bun who isn’t a total sloot and I will show you a samurai.

10. Grow out their beard with the specific intention of ~appearing hot and masculine~. No one wants to make out with a brillo pad filled with crumbs.

11. Get weirdly into beard care as a “sexy” subculture.

12. Peacock about their knowledge of craft beers, special whiskeys, and bitter-ass cocktails. No one is impressed by your ability to drink things that aren’t sweet.

13. Call their ex girlfriends ‘crazy’ in an effort to impress the new girlfriend. If all of your exes are crazy, that might be a cue for you to look in the mirror.

14. Try to get a girl home on the first date, and then get incredibly passive aggressive/dismissive towards her when she decides to go home instead.

15. Wear the “going out to pick up chicks” ensemble of jeans, a striped button-down shirt, and a blazer.

16. Travel in packs with the bros to more efficiently corner women in the bar/club for the purpose of securing sex.

17. Facebook message random girls with “hey ☺” and “hi” at random intervals, just in case one of them actually answers.

18. Walk around with little dogs in an effort to pick up chicks. Whose dog is that?? WHOSE DOG IS THAT?!?

19. Take the squinty-eye, furrowed-brow, “sexy” selfie that Trey Songz and Justin Bieber specialize in.

20. Talk about “cuffing season” in a serious manner.

21. DM random hot women.

22. Comment unbelievably desperate/creepy/vaguely threatening things on hot female celebrities’ Instagrams.

23. Take Shirtless workout selfies taken in a bathroom mirror with either an iPad (the tragic cookie sheet of photography), or an old smartphone. Note that the bathroom has not been cleaned, the counter is full of odds and ends, the mirror is spotted with hard water, and the toilet/toilet paper are in full view of the photo. This is the desperation and gritty sluttiness of the male thirst selfie. TC mark

Chelsea Fagan

Chelsea Fagan founded the blog The Financial Diet. She is on Twitter.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • http://tweakandshout.wordpress.com RaineFairy

    HAHAHA!

  • http://khellriegel.com Kevin

    Great post!! Love it!

  • http://gregschina.wordpress.com Greg

    Can’t say I profess to understand your hatred for tracksuit bottoms, beards and specific types of alcohol. With you on pretty much all the rest though.

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