1. Respond honestly when they ask you how they look. If there is some constructive criticism to be given, you are the only person in this world they can trust to tell them that they need to get their eyebrows threaded.
2. Feel like you deserve a say in life choices of theirs that don’t affect you whatsoever.
3. Not have any food/drinks out when they come over, because you’re not obligated to be a hostess and if they want something to eat they can forage around in your cabinets like a sibling would.
4. Call them out on things that personally annoy you but objectively aren’t doing any harm; things you would definitely let slide for other people.
5. Affectionately refer to them as “bitch,” “hoebag,” or “slore.”
7. Insist on dressing them when you don’t like what they’re wearing for any given reason. “No, wait, wear this” is your favorite phrase, because you secretly know what they look best in.
8. See things of theirs that you like, and either steal it or immediately ask to borrow it as a sign of approval.
9. Be honest with them when you didn’t respond to a text/chat because you were too lazy, whereas you’d usually make up some elaborate excuse and lie to explain your lack of response.
10. Harass them until they agree to go out with you when you’re in the mood to go out and they’re not.
11. Link them to janky posts they made on social media to point out how janky they were. Like “lol @ this sad selfie.”
12. When they like someone you don’t approve of, openly being like “Oh, no, he’s gross.”
13. Encourage them to order something you really want to try, but yet still swat them away when they eat your food off your plate.
14. Tell them they were being a bitch to family/significant other/other friends, because no one else is going to tell them when they’re getting that hostile attitude they get when they haven’t eaten.
15. Not give a pity ‘lol’ when they say something unfunny because you don’t need to pretend, and your job, if anything, is to improve their humor through conditioning. They only get the lols they earn.
16. Text them “CALL ME BACK BITCH… call me” repeatedly until they finally call you.
17. Alternatively, send them NSFW things until they acknowledge you in a panic.
18. Encourage them to stay out for one more drink when you know they have to get up early the next day, because you know they do the exact same shit to you, and you always end up having the best time on the nights you really weren’t supposed to go out.