1. You have known the unparalleled struggle that is “being forced to wear nude stockings in the brutal heat of DC summer,” because being bare-legged violates some kind of dress code. You see another girl sweating it out on a metro platform in those shiny nude stockings and you’re like “I get it, girl. I get it.”
2. You have had at least one tragic first date with a guy who either worked “in journalism” or “On The Hill,” and spent the entire dinner telling you about how great it was and humblebragging about the important people he has met.
3. “Humblebragging about proximity to power” is unfortunately a language that you have had to become fluent in during your various internships/jobs.
4. You have completed the DC Girl Instagram Triple Crown: Nats game selfie, stylistic portrait of the metro architecture, cherry blossoms in full bloom.
5. Your “heels at work, flats in purse” game is UNTOUCHABLE. There is no outfit you cannot coordinate with two distinct pairs of shoes if need be.
6. No matter what your field is — from non-profit to consulting — you have had to become a social media expert by default. You manage (and are constantly updating) across at least three different platforms, and “trying to make an official hashtag happen” has been an un-winnable battle you’ve fought more than once.
7. Even though you find “Businesswoman Row” — aka the standing bar where women eat sushi and/or salads at Dean and Deluca while angrily staring at their smartphones — to be depressing, you have stood there and eaten your lunch on more than one occasion.
8. On many occasions, you have bitten your tongue and not said anything when “girl who magically has an incredible wardrobe and her own one-bedroom apartment on M Street” doesn’t mention the fact that her parents are subsidizing her non-profit income. But you secretly resent that you both have to pay equal shares when you go to brunch together.
9. Perhaps the most important purchase you will make in any given year is the “investment blazer.” It needs to go with everything, be worn day to night, be neither too hot nor too cool, and be both professional and not “humorless DC office worker.” A good blazer will make your entire year go smoothly.
10. Depending on how drunk you are, you are either glaring judgmentally at the Georgetown bros ordering Jager shots, or you’re grinding on them while your girlfriends try to take a picture of you for blackmail.
11. You have eaten a Jumbo Slice while wearing business casual because you went out on a Thursday night and spent the whole time downing margaritas and talking about how you’re “not even going in tomorrow,” even though you definitely are.
12. You know the very precise, very important differences between “guy who lives in an upscale condo in Arlington” and “guy who lives in a refinished apartment in Logan Circle.”
13. “Today is the day I will not eat lunch at my desk” is something of a personal mantra.
14. There exists a Holy Trinity of clothing stores: JCrew, Banana Republic, and Club Monaco — and you are forever devastating your bank account to buy a few items from them (and forever envious of the girls who are magically able to afford all of them with no struggle).
15. Because the local coffee scene is so good in DC, you often feel guilty for enjoying Starbucks as much as you do. But sometimes you just want that soy chai latte extra hot, and you work too hard to be judged for it. #sorrynotsorry
16. You may have, on at least one occasion, not-entirely-ironically used the hashtag #nonprofitlife.
17. You know when you’re out at a bar with a Capitol Hill staffer, because they will tell you within the first thirty seconds of meeting you. And then the rest of the conversation is you pretending to be interested in their ~insider stories~. (God forbid it’s a campaign year, then get ready to hear to hear about how busy they are for the next three hours.)
18. You have seen, and pitied, the “terrified-looking intern balancing ten people’s coffee orders while trying to read the map on their phone and not get fired.”
19. Trying to keep up with new restaurants while not going into financial ruin is a fine art, because somehow saying “I don’t have 50 dollars to spend on new Vietnamese/French fusion tapas” is not a legitimate response.
20. You’ve been out with someone and genuinely weren’t sure if it was a date or industry networking. And aren’t sure which one you would have preferred.
21. Updating your LinkedIn is something you are never actually done with, and you have experienced LinkedIn Envy on more than one occasion. You’re not proud of it, but it’s real.