1. When Beyonce releases one of her dictatorial propaganda-esque interviews/specials, which would be ridiculous if produced by pretty much anyone else, her fans are always ready to jump to her defense about how wonderful and pure and ‘real’ it is. Come on, nothing about her is real, and that’s kind of the point.
2. They often refer to her as a “God” which is really preposterous and offensive because she’s obviously a regular-ass human being. Like. A well-marketed, regular-ass human being.
3. They have to Google ‘Pokémon’ every time they type her overrated name because making this ‘é’ naturally is a huge, unnecessary hassle.
4. Constantly preaching about how perfect her marriage (that they know nothing about) is. Logical thinkers know no relationship is perfect, despite how great it looks in 3 second Tumblr GIFs, but these fans are now scrambling for explanations as to why she let her husband be attacked on an elevator even though it’s none of their business.
5. It seems like we’re not allowed to just accept that she’s a pop star, like many other pop stars before and after her, and that everything she does doesn’t have to have some crazy illuminati meaning behind it.
6. Also, she’s literally the most famous and beloved artist (and arguably public figure) that we have right now, and no one will admit the inherent basicness that exists in liking her. Liking her today is like liking Britney in 1999, it’s just what you do because you have ears.
7. They have zero investment in Beyonce’s stock, and profit in no way from her increasingly hefty bank account, yet they’ll spew actual death threats at anyone who dare disagree with their opinion online (see Twitter).
8. At some points it feels like they’re weirdly competing with each other — like trying to outdo how obsessed and in love with Beyoncé they can be.
9. Jay Z’s verse in “Drunk In Love.” I’m blaming the obsessive fans for its existence, and general acceptance in society. (Also, they started dating when she was 19 and he was 31, which isn’t the worst thing in the world, but we should at least acknowledge that it’s kind of strange.)
10. Instead of dismissing her mom as the stage mom that we would for anyone else who has been working in show business as long as Beyoncé, we let her have a clothing line.
11. Beyoncé is an objectively terrible actress — Which is fine! She is hugely accomplished at nearly everything else! — but we keep giving her movies and sort of entertaining the insanity, because her fans will kill anyone who tries to say that she’s not good.
12. They spend their entire lives arguing over whether or not she is a good feminist, or how much of a role model she should or shouldn’t be for little girls. Umm, she is an extremely packaged, managed pop star of whom we see only a tiny, controlled fragment. We don’t need to make this more complicated than it is.
13. The degree to which we are obsessed with and argumentative over her toddler is just unfortunate. It’s like the more intense the fan, the more determined they are that Blue Ivy will never have anything close to a normal human life.
14. Her documentary was creepy as shit, and we all know it.
15. Listening to her and Jay Z talk nonstop about how much they love bath sex and dress jizzing is hilarious, and like listening to your parents talk about their sex life. But if you don’t take it SUPER, SUPER SERIOUSLY, the Hive will murder you.
16. Beyonce fans even attack other professional entertainers for speaking opinions they don’t agree with. When Bey’s ‘Bow Down’ was released, Keyshia Cole tweeted: “First “Women need to Stick together” now bitches better Bow. Smh. But it’s all G! Chicks stay shooting the s**t. But when I speak my mind its a prob. #Well #StayMad.” Then Cole felt the wrath of crazy fans who insisted she is wrong because her net worth isn’t as high as Beyonce’s.
17. They made an actual church that worships Beyonce. An. Actual. Church.