1. When you’re all excited about your new phone and go to show it to someone and they’re like “Oh, yeah, I’ve had that for, like, three months.” (And then, to add insult to injury, you see a 10-year-old with the same phone on the way home.)
2. When you finally get to play a song you love during the house party and everyone just kind of looks around at each other like “What the hell is this” and you just sort of dance awkwardly in the corner by yourself.
3. When your waiter is walking by with what you imagine to be your food and you make full-on eye contact with him and give him that “Yes, I love you, finally we can be together” look and HE EVEN SMILES BACK AT YOU KIND OF but then he breezes right past you to another table.
4. When the person in front of you in line has one item in their hand but then their friend/lover/child/life-ruiner-in-crime comes to join up with them and has an entire cart full of items.
5. When they’re preparing your food at Chipotle and you ask for just a little cheese and they dump an enormous handful of cheese on your bowl and you don’t want to make a big deal out of it because there are 20 people behind you but, like… come on… how is that a little bit of cheese?
6. When your friend brings up the TV show that you are totally obsessed with and your heart swells with joy and you go “Oh my god you love that show, too??” and they’re like “Ugh, no, I hate it.”
7. When you are at a new person’s house and find out that there is a puppy or a kitty there and you go up to pet it, assuming that this animal will form a bond with you immediately because how could it not???, and it just sort of looks at you and then makes a 90 degree turn into the kitchen. (And you’re left holding out your hand like a jackass.)
8. When you’re visiting a new country, and you’ve been practicing the language for months to get to at least a passable level, but the second you say “Hello,” everyone just cuts you off and responds to you in English.
9. When someone’s like “You look really nice today!”
10. When your friends post pictures of them all hanging out without you and you’re like, “Looks fun!” but inside you are shriveling up with sadness.
11. When you enter a bathroom and immediately realize that it’s completely defiled, and immediately think “Oh, God, no, someone is going to think that I did this. Please no one be waiting when I leave.” And then someone’s waiting outside (of course) and you have to convey in one glance that this is not your fault, and you are just as upset about it as they are.
12. When you’re in a bar bathroom and someone tries to come in, and you’re awkwardly like “OCCUPIED,” and they continue giggling and pushing on the door and totally ruining your bathroom experience, and they just push past you when you leave as though they totally didn’t break a sacred bathroom code.
13. When you can feel your phone flying out of your hands, and for that split second, all you can do is hate yourself and/or mourn your preemptive loss.
14. When you’re up for a job interview and you don’t get it, but it’s in the nicest email ever, and you’re just like, why even bother telling me I have so much promise if YOU DON’T WANT THAT PROMISE WORKING FOR YOU???
15. When your crush is like “I’m so glad we’re friends!” and you go home and cry yourself to sleep while listening to the F.U.N. song.