You know what makeup is like? It’s like being a painter, except your face is the canvas, and instead of selling a piece or hanging it in a gallery, society treats you better and acts like you’re more competent just because you have mastered invisible contouring. Every morning is a clean slate, and you get to be exactly who you want to be and choose the look you’re going to have that day — it’s a fun and harmless endeavor. And this is not to say that everyone has to wear makeup by any stretch, or that you have to choose one side or the other, it just means that there’s nothing wrong with the women who go into a brief fugue state every time they enter the MAC store and somehow come out with 300 dollars worth of eyeliner.
2. Sex and the City
I’m not saying that it’s the best television show ever (
yes I am), I’m just saying that I’m in a constant state of re-watching the series or giddily taking in the DVD box set extras from the comfort of my couch. And you know what? I’m done apologizing for this shit. I don’t want the gritty, TJ Maxx-realness of Girls, I want my portrayals of New York to be a slice of pure, aspirational escapism that allows me to imagine that by my 35th birthday I’ll be marrying a surgeon with family money and living in an expansive condo on Park Avenue, smoking Benson and Hedges with his emotionally abusive mother. LET ME HAVE MY DREAMS.
3. Nail care
I am not exaggerating when I say that taking impeccable care of my nails has changed my life for the positive. I reach for things, or daintily hand someone my debit card, and my cuticles of luxury convey this air of “yes, I do have my shit together, thank you for noticing.” Beyond that, having beautifully-done nails is awesome to look at for the person wearing them. It’s like little paintings on each of your fingertips, and life is too short not to enjoy things like that. (Also, just look at my current nails and tell me that I am not a better human being for having gotten them done. They are wearing little TUXEDOS!!!)
I’m not even going to get into this, but if someone gets on you for taking an interest the items you put on your body to convey to the rest of the world who you are, just spit in their face or something. I am so done justifying the enjoyment of clothing — as long as its not used as a cudgel to shame others — to people who like things such as organized sports. THE CLOTHES WE WEAR ARE IMPORTANT, LEAVE WOMEN ALONE.
5. Reality Shows
This is probably the item I’ll get the most backlash on, and I get that. There are some reality shows that really seem to be the final and most grave sign of the impeding apocalypse, and I’m not going to try to justify them morally. But the degree to which we pick on one another for enjoying things such as Say Yes To The Dress is just disproportionate to the rest of the evils occurring in this world. It’s not fair to expect everyone to roll out a series of well-crafted apologies when they mention that they watch The Real Housewives Of Atlanta. (Cynthia, you beautiful Princess, what are you doing with Papa Smurf??? HE IS THE WORST. RUN FROM HIM.) We all have our little guilty pleasures, and there are worse things that we could be doing with our time.
6. Domestic tasks
Yes, there is something a little funny and dated about things like semi-bought-at-Costco Sandra Lee whipping up her inexcusable mess of a Kwanzaa cake while wearing a floral apron and surrounded by 50s-era knick knacks. But there is little connection between the “wasn’t Betty Draper’s world so much better?” play-acting and the genuine enjoyment of all things domestic. Some women just love the shit out of baking pies from scratch and blowing raspberries on babies’ bellies and even cleaning up the kitchen until it sparkles. And this doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong or backwards or damaging about their existence. This is me in my ~happy place~, and I feel no need to justify my status as a totally modern woman:
7. Good hair
Do you know how important good hair is? Do you know how much your world transforms when you have mastered a blowout or perfect curl texture or braids or an up-do with structural integrity? This is not to sound full of myself, because I’m as insecure as they come, but like 70 percent of the comments I field in my life are about my hair. It’s like the whole world smiles at you and would suddenly trust you with the care of their children or their financial investments if your hair is on-point. And, again, this doesn’t mean that you have to do anything. But taking joy in participating in this big, endlessly fun part of your appearance is nothing to sneeze at. Get something better to do than hating on a random woman for enjoying her flawless Brigitte Bardot ponytail.