17 Restaurant Dishes With A Shockingly High Calorie Count (Even For America)

In America, very little should be shocking when it comes to food. We are the country that seems to be in an open arms race to create the singular food item that will push us most efficiently into ill health. We have the Double Down, the Krispy Kreme burger, the “Heart Attack Grill,” whose morbidly obese spokesperson died of heart problems at age 29. But even in this climate of unhinged gluttony, there are still a few restaurants that manage to shock and distress with just how little they seem to care about their patrons’ health.

1. The Cheesecake Factory’s Avocado Egg Rolls, 963 Calories

flygraphix
flygraphix

It feels important to begin this list by addressing The Cheesecake Factory specifically, because that restaurant may be the most insane chain in all the United States from a nutritional perspective, and it will be making several appearances on this list. This appetizer is impressive mostly for taking a vegetable-based appetizer, and transforming it into something with more calories than the average meal.

2. T.G.I. Friday’s Pecan Crusted Chicken Salad (With Dressing), 1360 Calories

ntesong
ntesong

It’s generally always a good idea to top your salads with fried chicken, because it’s important that they contain more calories than most double cheeseburgers.

3. Sonic’s CroisSONIC Breakfast Sandwich, 650 Calories

mila0506
mila0506

First off, am I the only person who is grossed out at the thought of putting an egg and cheese breakfast sandwich on something as oily and heavy as a croissant? It’s just gnarly. And if you’re going to do it, why not go for the ham instead of the sausage and save yourself 130 calories instantly? Why do we need so much of a bad thing?

4. Applebee’s Blue Ribbon Brownie, 1290 Calories

kizzbeth
kizzbeth

Nothing like topping off a dinner with a nice, light dessert comprised of 65 percent of your daily calorie needs.

5. Coldstone Creamery’s PB&C Shake, 2010 Calories

Shutterstock
Shutterstock

This almost seems like it has to be some kind of practical joke, because you have to make a conscious effort to make a single drink be this unhealthy.

6. Outback Steakhouse’s Bloomin’ Onion, 1948 Calories

adselwood
adselwood

I want to say I’ll never eat one of these again, given how unbelievably bad for you it is, but I probably will. Come on.

7. Starbucks’ Venti White Chocolate Mocha, 620 Calories

mylifestory
mylifestory

There are few better ways to start your day than with a morning coffee that contains more calories, sugar, and saturated fat than most actual food items you could be consuming. We know that drinking our calories is just about the dumbest things we can do, and yet, there we go, Instagramming our pics of liquid butter from Starbucks.

8. Macaroni Grill’s Chicken Caesar Salad (With Dressing), 870 Calories

Shutterstock
Shutterstock

Can we just agree to kick chicken caesar salad out of the “healthy food club” once and for all? We all know that it’s not a positive nutritional choice, let’s give up the charade.

9. IHOP’s Chicken Fried Steak With Eggs And Sausage Gravy, 1850 Calories

Shutterstock
Shutterstock

IHOP is a hot mess. This dish — and the calories it contains — is a hot mess. No one should be eating this at any time, let alone first thing in the morning. (Waffle House is better, anyway.)

10. Subway’s Meatball Marinara Sub, 560 Calories

WordRidden
WordRidden

I know that this list has probably deluded us into feeling like this isn’t that bad, relatively speaking, but we need to address the sodium content in this: 1590 milligrams, which is about 70 percent of what we should be getting in a single day. Also, if you’re going to get a meatball sub, go to a real sandwich shop.

11. The Cheesecake Factory’s Fish And Chips, 1920 Calories

Smabs Sputzer
Smabs Sputzer

And The Cheesecake Factory’s back, trollier than ever with this monstrosity!

12. P.F. Chang’s Combo Lo Mein, 1968 Calories

Shutterstock
Shutterstock

I’m sure that P.F. Chang’s food — in addition to being a bland imitation of actual Chinese cuisine — is full of empty calories. But the numbers on this particular dish are still worth a nice mention.

13. Panera Bread’s Full Sierra Turkey Sandwich, 810 Calories

Michael S
Michael S

It’s always nice to see something as theoretically healthy as turkey be transformed into something as calorically insane as this sandwich.

14. California Pizza Kitchen’s Tuscan Hummus With Pita Bread, 970 Calories

chrisbulle
chrisbulle

Wait, no! Not hummus! Anything but hummus!

15. Cosi’s Tomato And Basil Aurora Soup, 597 Calories

mooshee85
mooshee85

Even if you don’t order this supposedly “healthy” choice with a half grilled cheese, you’re still doing yourself no favors, and you’re probably not even going to leave the table full (but you will be bloated with sodium).

16. Cinnabon’s Regular Sized Pecanbon, 1080 Calories

theimpulsivebuy
theimpulsivebuy

I feel like the most offensive thing about Cinnabons is that they’re not even good. Think of all the ACTUALLY good food you could get for those calories. There is no reason to be eating something like the Pecanbon, ever.

17. The Cheesecake Factory’s Pasta Carbonara With Chicken, 2290 Calories

Shutterstock
Shutterstock

I am just so beyond understanding how this restaurant is allowed to exist, and what they could possibly putting in their mediocre food that enables it to be so thoroughly disgusting. It’s the kind of gluttony that leads to pot-bellied royalty getting beheaded in the town square as the starving peasants cheer. How is this possible? I just can’t. TC mark

Chelsea Fagan

Chelsea Fagan founded the blog The Financial Diet. She is on Twitter.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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