Election Day Drinking Game

Maria Dryfhout / Shutterstock.com / Action Sports Photography / Shutterstock.com

Take a sip of your drink every time someone puts a last-minute political rant on their Facebook status. (There may not be enough sips in one drink for this part of the game.)

Take two sips every time someone makes an anti-rant Facebook status along the lines of “Everyone just go to the voting booth and make your choice. Let’s not fight about it,” which ends up becoming a rant in and of itself.

Chug a beer and then crush the can violently against your head every time you see a defaced political yard sign.

Do a shot every time a news network’s election coverage special brings on a talking head who is absolutely unqualified to be making comments about the political process, but is going to bring in viewers: “And here to talk about the deadlock in Ohio, Katy Perry’s breasts!”

Take two sips every time a conservative Facebook friend nonchalantly mentions something about being being pro-life.

Do a Jager bomb every time your candidate wins a state in the electoral college.

Do a double shot of your own tears every time your candidate loses a state.

Chug a beer every time someone changes their profile picture to just a promotional poster for their candidate.

Do a shot of Jameson and then stab yourself with a broadsword every time someone casually mentions the fact that President Obama is black in a way that totally betrays how racist they are.

Finish your drink every time someone says they “can’t deal with it” and are going to see a movie instead of watching the election coverage at home.

Start a new drink every time you secretly want to join them.

Do a shot with a same-sex partner every time someone on Facebook drops the absurd bomb that they don’t support gay marriage.

Chug a beer every time someone mentions how they don’t want to vote for the opposing candidate not for any policy reason, but because he “seems like an asshole.”

Drink every time someone Facebook status updates that they voted. (“Does a vote actually count if the person who voted didn’t tweet or status update about it?”)

Chug four beers back-to-back every time a white guy with dreads talks about how useless voting is.

Do an extra shot if said be-dreaded white guy says something along the lines of “we are just voting for our slavemasters.”

Chug a gin and tonic every time someone posts a long rant about why they are voting for Gary Johnson, and why you should, too.

Do a double shot every time a major news network calls the election early (and erroneously).

Shotgun a beer every time a non-American posts a giant, condescending rant about the American political process, as though their country doesn’t have its own embarrassments every now and again, come election time.

Do a flaming shot of maple syrup every time someone threatens to move to Canada if their candidate loses.

Take three sips every time you highly consider de-friending an IRL friend just to no longer have to listen to their constant, ill-informed political monologues.

Drink all of the alcohol in the Western Hemisphere every time some holier-than-thou “intellectual” gives you a talking-to about how disingenuous it is that you’re voting, because you’re really just playing into the game they want you to play, and even though you’re voting for the lesser of two evils you’re still voting for an either, and you should really make your voice heard by abstaining, the True Democratic Way. TC mark

 

image – Donkey Hotey

Chelsea Fagan

Chelsea Fagan founded the blog The Financial Diet. She is on Twitter.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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