1. You can’t get enough cheesy love songs.
I’m not saying that cheesy love songs don’t always have their place (I practically have Celine Dion’s entire catalog tattooed on my ribcage), but there is a point at which even the most bubblegum-ready songs become the New Theme Song of Your Life. To put it in perspective, I once found myself on the brink of actual human tears while listening to “Hey There, Delilah,” which I proceeded to put on repeat for the next 45 minutes. To be fair, I was 18 and facing down the prospect of a long-distance relationship. But still, this kind of unacceptable insanity is only excused for those in the heady throes of love.
2. You find any reason to bring them up.
While there are going to undoubtedly be legitimate occasions to bring up your beloved, you might want to think about why your brain suddenly seems to make no distinction between “this incredible person I’m in love with” and “literally everything else on the planet.” If your roommate is wondering what you guys should make for dinner, and she suggests lasagna, and you’re like “Oh my god, so-and-so just has the cutest cat. He was totally crawling around the living room when we were making out and watching movies last night. So-and-so is such a good kisser. And has such a cute cat. You know, a cat. Like Garfield. Who is also a cat. The cat that loves lasagna. I’m sorry — we can eat whatever,” chances are you may be thinking of them more than would be considered normal.
3. Everything they do seems cute and endearing.
There will come a time when your beloved’s habits might start to err towards the irritating side, depending on how disruptive and frequent they are. It’s only natural. But for now, though, enjoy thinking that everything they do is just perfect and adorable — from the way they don’t replace the toilet paper roll, to the way they take one single fork out of the dishwasher to use instead of emptying it, to the way they don’t cover their mouth when they cough. Scoop up all those precious germs, wouldn’t want to miss a drop of their intoxicating goodness.
4. You find yourself fantasizing about a life together.
If, at a certain point while looking for a toothbrush holder at Bed, Bath and Beyond, you find yourself utterly paralyzed in front of a set of matching hand towels, overwhelmed with the thought of sharing a home with this person you can’t get enough of — you could very well be in love. If this fantasy extends to the kind of pet you’d like, what you would call your children, and the compulsion to write your married names all over a sheet of looseleaf — you are pressed like a fresh panini. Embrace it.
5. The only thing that matters is being with them.
Not that there isn’t a lot to be said for intricate or adventurous outings, but one of the truer signs of love is the utter indifference towards what you are you actually doing, so long as you are with your dearest. The two of you, in fact, are more than content to spend an entire afternoon lying in bed naked, telling each other what you like about each other and generally being vomit-inducing to everyone who is not you. Outside of your little world, nothing exists — just remember to eat at least semi-regular meals in between all of your butterfly kisses.
6. You begin to retreat from society.
It’s not that your friends aren’t awesome, because they totally are. It’s just that, for at least a few weeks, you are going to just fall off the face of the planet because nothing — not even President Obama riding up on a jet ski on a tidal wave of Corona ready to bring you to the beach party hosted by a naked Ryan Gosling — is as interesting or as engaging as being with your beloved. You’ll get back to them, it’s cool.
7. You are constantly denying being in love.
It’s not that we don’t believe you, love, it’s just that, if your response to “Hey did you hang out with so-and-so this weekend?” is “WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP NANCY DREW I DON’T LOVE HIM OKAY GET OFF MY BACK JESUS,” welp…
8. All of a sudden, you’re a poet.
There is an unspoken but universal law which states that any vaguely emotional blogging, Tweeting, status updating, or other forms of mass communication performed while in the heady throes of infatuation are not to be held against you. If you are up late one night and publish something along the lines of “You are the waves crashing against the sands of my beach, a depth of blue that seemed impossible to my parched skin,” it’s okay. We won’t judge. Just remember to make them private once you come to your senses.
9. You constantly feel like the words are going to slip out of your mouth.
It’s an understandable fear that, at some uncertain point, you are going to see your beloved smile in a particular way while wiping a bit of ice cream from your lip while out at lunch and respond by literally exploding into a million pieces of confetti while screaming “I LOVE YOU.” We all know what that feels like. But it’s better to accept that it is how you feel and set to finding a good way to express this, rather than suppressing it like some volcano of terrifying levels of emotion, only to erupt at some unknown moment all over the both of you.
10. Everything seems unreasonably fun and happy.
Have you ever noticed how beautiful flowers are? How about how cute little kis are? And that couple making out over there — good for them! They know what’s up! Oh, my god, let’s get some candy! Candy comes in so many beautiful, bright colors. Everything is just so perfect. It’s not too hot, not too cold. Let’s go for a walk. I don’t care where we go. Let’s just hang out. Or maybe we’ll cuddle under a blanket. I love blankets. Let’s knit a blanket with our initials in it. Oh, my god, an adorable old couple holding hands! DYINGGGGGG.