Husband Material, Volume 10: Jesse Pinkman

With the season 5 premiere of Breaking Bad just around the corner, it’s time to examine one of the most underrated, yet undeniable slices of Husband Material that television has to offer: one Jesse “I’m a criminal, yo” Pinkman. With his beautiful blue eyes, nervous smile, and conflicted moments of humanity constantly peering through his forced tough guy-image, he is the definition of the bad boy with a soft heart we all secretly want to run away with and live off of a suitcase full of meth money. From his difficult relationship with his family, to the loss of his Daria-esque girlfriend Jane, there are many boo-boos on this lovely boy that we may have to kiss and make all better, and it certainly won’t be easy. I can only hope we’re up to the task.

Name: Jesse Pinkman, Cap’n Cook, Blowfish, Diesel, Jesse Jackson

Age: Doesn’t matter, bitch, but let’s just say mid-to-late 20s.

Occupation: Apprentice meth cook, partner in crime, friend to the fallen Combo, former DeVry University student, conflicted pretty boy.

Description: From his upper-middle-class roots to his JNCO jean-esque wardrobe, Pinkman is everything that could go wrong with fragile suburban sons, if left to mingle with the wrong crowd. And though his self-worth is often called into question by the horrible chain of events his life choices seem to cause, he always retains just enough awareness and empathy to remain someone you root for. Sure, he killed Gale, but he was crying while he did it! And yes, he openly smoked meth around his recovering girlfriend, ostensibly leading her down the slippery slope to relapse, and, ultimately, death — but he feels so badly about it! He just scoots around with his enormous, beautiful eyes and his sense of self-loathing, making us all hate/adore him, and wanting him to fulfill his lost potential as an artist. Go re-watch the scene in the gas station with the cashier girl (and his flawless eyelashes) and tell me you wouldn’t buy anything that guy was selling to you.

Benefits to Marriage: Umm, endless meth. Also, he’ll try (fumblingly, but adorably) to make you breakfast in bed. A meth omelette.

Drawbacks: I would think that the drawbacks to being married to someone in his line of work would be obvious, but I recommend you also take a look at the Meth: Not Even Once campaign to get a picture of what could happen to those cheekbones of his, should he continue to use.

You Must Be: Street-smart, prepared, not too attached to your town (in case you have to go hide out in southeast Asia for a while on a moment’s notice), willing to cuddle. All Jesse Pinkman really needs is a good cuddle.

The Dowry Jesse Brings: 100 acres of freshly-tilled farmland, a herd of New Mexico’s finest alpaca, enough of the blue stuff to smoke until your kneecaps fall off. TC mark

image – AMC

Chelsea Fagan

Chelsea Fagan founded the blog The Financial Diet. She is on Twitter.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • Carlo

    Just don’t sleep on your back

  • yarrow

    Saw him in a bar in Albuquerque, almost died.

  • http://www.facebook.com/josephbrillantes Joseph Brillantes

    Aaron Paul is slowly creeping into my hotness radar.

  • Emil Caillaux

    Brilliant.

  • Dee

    i would totally marry a meth maker if it was Pinkman

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/07/husband-material-volume-9-jesse-pinkman-2/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    […] Thought Catalog » Love & Sex Add a comment […]

  • KRose

    Oh man… Aaron Paul in a heartbeat. I don’t even think my husband would mind.

  • http://www.facebook.com/brandonwhumphries Brandon Humphries

    Sorry but that 5 finger forehead says he’s well into his 30’s. Not that I wouldn’t still fuck him or anything.

  • Claire

    what number is the gas station ep?

  • mike

    His girlfriend was basically murdered by Walt. Her death could certainly have been avoided.

  • http://jcpart.co.uk Jordan

    I would marry the shit out of Jesse Pinkman. I don’t know what that says about me.

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