Thought Catalog

Please Stop Networking

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I suppose the mere act of owning a Twitter and using it semi-regularly (even if only to make dick jokes) makes me part of the problem. I cannot say I’ve never daintily dipped my toe into the churning, frothing waters of Grown-Up Networking, but I do try to avoid it at all costs. And I firmly believe that we all should, because between the internet and not-intended-to-be-professional house parties, the whole concept of “creating a community” and “getting the word out there” has spiraled completely out of control. We are the communication era, but we need to learn to shut the f-ck up.

Though I was not alive during the Mad Men era when business was conducted over cocktails and in exchange for prostitutes (nor would I have been the right gender to participate, even if I was), I imagine that the concepts of “work” and “socialization” were mercifully separate entities. You might go out for drinks with a client, but you knew what you were there for. And sure, society was horrible, and the only people who succeeded were upper-middle-class white alpha males, but at least the handing of business cards and the making of Important Phone Calls were carried out with the straight-forward professionalism they required. They had their flaws, but at least they couldn’t bombard each other with mass emails about their upcoming events — of that much we are certain.

But now everyone is competing for the same five positions, we all want to have the “good” jobs, and we’re just about ready to rip each other’s scalps off to get there — no matter how many social media sites we have to abuse in order to do it. And let’s not pretend as though all of our slimy reaching out isn’t limited to our computers, either. There is no social gathering now that isn’t immediate fodder for talking about what you do and who you do it with. It’s hard not to go out today and be overwhelmed with the feeling that everyone and their mother has a startup they want to talk to you about, or is trying to launch this career doing something nebulous but incredibly interesting. You meet a guy who wants you to meet his friend who’s got this great project he’s kicking off next month, and you could totally get in on the ground floor, and why don’t you go “like” his Facebook page.

Oh, God, his Facebook page. When are people going to realize that forcibly putting people in your project page and then spamming them with endless updates about what you’re doing and what’s coming up next, even if these people live on another continent, is not the way to build a brand? When I was 19, it was everyone’s terrible band that I had to feign interest in and “promote” with a status update here or there, and now that people seem to have largely moved past that era, it’s various start ups, visual art, and “professional pages” — whatever those are. And beyond just liking the Facebook page, now you are pressured into heading over to the Kickstarter and tossing a couple bucks over for that awesome new project that is totally going to go sky high and make all of us Mark Zuckerberg, except capable of human emotion.

The thing is, it would be wonderful if we were all venture capitalists who spent our days buffing our monocles and handing out bundles of cash to every acquaintance with small-business dreams, but we’re all struggling. We all have projects we’d like to get out there, dreams we’d like to achieve, and jobs that pay us an exorbitant salary to sit in a massage chair and “brainstorm” while we eat vegan burritos. And when we feel like we’re meeting people whose interest in us only extends as far as we’re going to retweet them or introduce them to someone in their field, it gets a little exhausting. The networking has become so insidious as to replace entire friendships, groups of people whose only tenuous connections are their mutual desire to get as many clicks as possible on a project and meet the “right” people. It’s hard not to wonder how many relationships would dissolve if they weren’t trying to “push” something collectively.

At the end of the day, if your work or your idea is good, people will want to support it. They’ll read it, go see it, give you money, or tell their friends about it — you don’t have to force them. And frankly, the more you push for them to participate based on nothing other than the fact that you kind of know each other, the less they’re going to want to, even if they liked your stuff. We live in a time where everyone has a chance to make it big and achieve their dream from the ground-up, if we can just get enough people behind us and make it a reality. But with this freedom to communicate and endorse comes a new set of rules and etiquette that should be followed, no matter how many Twitter followers you have. Because really, if we’re all just screaming at each other about our stuff like an infomercial set on the most grating volume, eventually, we’re just going to turn off the TV. TC mark

 

image – Tim Phillips
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  • http://www.facebook.com/efollettbotha Emma Follett-Botha

    Well said.

  • kiki

    my thoughts exactly.

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/06/please-stop-networking/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    […] Thought Catalog » Life Add a comment […]

  • http://www.facebook.com/regandaniel Daniel Regan

    I feel this is complaining more about mindless networking as opposed to the interaction that can actually go on between individuals. Networking isn’t designed to be a ‘just what can I provide.’ It’s supposed to be a mutually beneficial relationship, whether it’s friendship or career.

    I can see the author’s point, I just think it would have been focused better on the ‘What’s in it for me’ crowd, as opposed to the concept of networking.

    • http://www.facebook.com/andre.roothman Andre Roothman

      people without number talk and tweet without speaking, and some listen but don’t hear, hence the traffic of trivia and drivel which has seamlessly morphed into hate-speech at times. The sheer number of platforms is witness to the fact that too much talk is contaminated airspace

  • Jim

    Good article, but doesn’t telling us to follow you on twitter do the same thing as what you were disagreeing with!?!

    Still, the article is fantastic, and I really think that is why I try to keep my phone on silent unless I am expecting something, or not keep looking at facebook, and that is to communicate with my friends, without talking about this or that, unless they ask!

  • Mporto

    My favorite thing about this article is at the very end where it says “you should follow thought catalog on twitter here”

  • http://www.cargocollective.com/confederacyoflunches chelsea

    okay so I thought this was harsh but also ‘fair’ to the point of changing my mind at a couple different parts. I mean on one hand she’s aggressively attacking something as broad as social networking, marketing, media communications, AND bashing the definition and spirit of ‘indie’ and ‘self-made’. but like, i couldn’t really disagree with her points because sometimes i feel myself branding myself as an ‘alternative indian girl that can be funny in a self-deprecating way’. i mean who much of our online or even social image relays who we actually are?

  • jones

    people should help people out especially if they’re your friends ‘liking’ a page isn’t really that big of deal

  • jones

    but do agree that sometimes it is ‘too much’

  • http://twitter.com/kylelamar — (@kylelamar)

    I remember that time Fagan followed me on twitter for about 5 minutes.

  • Required

    I didn’t read this. Not one word. But it’s the dumbest dumb thing I’ve ever read in my life.

  • maybeemily

    Maybe it is different with your “creative pursuits”, but even if you got a super technical degree and you want to break into your field you need to h-u-s-t-l-e. There is like what? A BILLION things out there, and whether or not you’re good or worthy you need to promote like hell and get the word out. Opportunities don’t always fall into your laps.

    THOUGH WE CAN ALL AGREE REALTORS PICTURES ARE ABSURD. I don’t get IT, what are they selling?! Why is the quality similar to sears family portraits, how does THIS sell a house?

  • http://murphymaurine.tumblr.com Maurine Herberich

    NAILED IT.
    This resonates with me BIG TIME because I moved from Switzerland to the US about two years ago, and while I am very much impressed and motivated by some of my friends’ work ethic, dedication and constant “hustling”, I too find it extremely exhausting to pretend to like something- and someone basically begging and pestering me by insisting that it is “no big deal” and “just a like” leaves a very sour aftertaste in my mouth.

  • https://thoughtcatalog.com/yalun-tu/2014/08/for-the-last-time-you-need-to-use-your-connections/ For The Last Time, You Need To Use Your Connections! | Thought Catalog

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