If you’re reading this and thinking, “Who the hell is Tom Hiddleston?” you need to seriously reconsider your ability to internet. If you don’t know that the man who played Loki and F. Scott Fitzgerald is worth all of your love and admiration, I’m surprised you can even tie your shoes. Tom is just a magic, magic man who is — aside from being beautiful in that dapper, perfect British way — an utter gentleman and spends most of his time being humble around his fans, smiling respectfully for the cameras, and (I would imagine) helping old ladies cross the street. It is for these and many other reasons that he is the Husband Material we should all be sending flowers to across the pond.
Name: Tom Hiddleston
Occupation: Thespian, Big-budget film star who will never lose an ounce of artistic credibility, owner of a bone structure that would make supermodels weep, reader of audiobooks that makes you weep at the beauty of his velvety accent.
Description: Having studied at/performed at more-or-less all of the most prestigious British institutions (Oxford, Cambridge, The Royal Academy of Dramatic Art), TomTom set himself up to represent all that was good about being a modern-day theater dandy. He wears adorable smoking jackets, is the epitome of cultured politesse, and always makes sure to say please and thank you. And after his years of good breeding and working on becoming The Sexual Icon of British Charm (ripping the title mercilessly from Hugh Grant’s cold, gnarled fingers), he was rewarded by a Hollywood that was ready to have someone with legitimate acting chops play a blockbuster role or two. Every time he speaks, it’s as though a golden river of class and dignity is just pouring forth from his mouth, and he brings that much-needed touch of dignity to every project he participates in.
Benefits to Marriage: Have you ever listened to one of those aforementioned audiobooks? Yeah, do it. That mellifluous voice will be doing everything from asking if he needs to pick up anything from the store on the way home, to telling you you look beautiful in your pajamas with your hair all mussed. That could be yours. Also, you can sharpen your kitchen knives on his cheekbones.
Drawbacks: All of Tumblr will be mercilessly out for your blood.
You Must Be: Classy as f-ck, willing to attend events with the most elegant person in the room and not feel inadequate, down for frequent trips to England to visit his undoubtedly beautiful family, probably okay with hanging out with Chris Hemsworth from time to time.
The Dowry Tom Brings: An old farmhouse that is somehow designed in impeccable Victorian architecture, a flock of the most articulate sheep in the village, 7 plush fields ready for tilling, all of the thrilling conversation you can ever have over glasses of brandy.