Husband Material, Volume 7: Tom Hiddleston

Featureflash /

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Who the hell is Tom Hiddleston?” you need to seriously reconsider your ability to internet. If you don’t know that the man who played Loki and F. Scott Fitzgerald is worth all of your love and admiration, I’m surprised you can even tie your shoes. Tom is just a magic, magic man who is — aside from being beautiful in that dapper, perfect British way — an utter gentleman and spends most of his time being humble around his fans, smiling respectfully for the cameras, and (I would imagine) helping old ladies cross the street. It is for these and many other reasons that he is the Husband Material we should all be sending flowers to across the pond.

Name: Tom Hiddleston

Age: 31

Occupation: Thespian, Big-budget film star who will never lose an ounce of artistic credibility, owner of a bone structure that would make supermodels weep, reader of audiobooks that makes you weep at the beauty of his velvety accent.

Description: Having studied at/performed at more-or-less all of the most prestigious British institutions (Oxford, Cambridge, The Royal Academy of Dramatic Art), TomTom set himself up to represent all that was good about being a modern-day theater dandy. He wears adorable smoking jackets, is the epitome of cultured politesse, and always makes sure to say please and thank you. And after his years of good breeding and working on becoming The Sexual Icon of British Charm (ripping the title mercilessly from Hugh Grant’s cold, gnarled fingers), he was rewarded by a Hollywood that was ready to have someone with legitimate acting chops play a blockbuster role or two. Every time he speaks, it’s as though a golden river of class and dignity is just pouring forth from his mouth, and he brings that much-needed touch of dignity to every project he participates in.

Benefits to Marriage: Have you ever listened to one of those aforementioned audiobooks? Yeah, do it. That mellifluous voice will be doing everything from asking if he needs to pick up anything from the store on the way home, to telling you you look beautiful in your pajamas with your hair all mussed. That could be yours. Also, you can sharpen your kitchen knives on his cheekbones.

Drawbacks: All of Tumblr will be mercilessly out for your blood.

You Must Be: Classy as f-ck, willing to attend events with the most elegant person in the room and not feel inadequate, down for frequent trips to England to visit his undoubtedly beautiful family, probably okay with hanging out with Chris Hemsworth from time to time.

The Dowry Tom Brings: An old farmhouse that is somehow designed in impeccable Victorian architecture, a flock of the most articulate sheep in the village, 7 plush fields ready for tilling, all of the thrilling conversation you can ever have over glasses of brandy. TC mark


image – Shutterstock

Chelsea Fagan

Chelsea Fagan founded the blog The Financial Diet. She is on Twitter.


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  • Lena

    I agree with everything except the cheekbone bit, that is reserved for Benedict Cumberbatch. Great article!

  • kim

    FINALLY. Yes to all of this,including his music choices.

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  • TheGreenDoor

    Listening to him recite poetry is better than porn.

    • Joanna

      It is porn, fabulous classy porn.

  • Shady Satin Drug

    I can only just barely handle his existence.

  • mle_a

    THANK YOU! Came home from the Avengers and rented Thor hahaha

  • Akageoise

    It’s a lie. Tom Hiddleston is way too perfect to exist.

  • Lauren D

    God had a field day on this one!

  • Heather Kendall

    OMG, this is funny! I feel a little bad for Tom if he ever reads this. Somewhat embarrassing.

  • Judith

    Yeah he’s unbelievable. He’s an amazing, talented actor and the most beautiful human being I’ve ever known. He literally has the world at his feet and he is always kind and humble. It’s impossible not to love him and respect him. But for husband? No thanks. He’s too perfect.

  • Kirsty

    I’d love to marry him but I’d be unable to bear him children due to my ovaries being blow apart by his loveliness. :o(

  • Marcela (PanamaHiddlesArmy)

    I agree with the comment that him for a husband is a No No, he s to perfecto to be real, I couldnt be able to be with such an elegant, cult man, I ll be afraid to screw up! lol . Im smart and stuff, but not to his level. If I ever meet him I ll just tell him, he’s the best actor ever not just for his acting skills , but for his humbleness. Luv u Tom!

  • Judith

    Oops I reread my comment and its end came out a bit rude so I’d like to add something. (If Mr. Hiddleston ever read this I want it to be clear) I like him very much with all respect but I can’t even handle his perfectness now as a fan. I’m totally opposite of him. That would be a disaster marrige.

  • Nanbbrave

    Reblogged this on nanbbrave and commented:
    E-hehehe. ;))

  • Samantha schain

    OMG yes. He’s perfect. Thank you for the article!

  • Ali

    If I were only worthy! Sadly, I am not, but just being able to shake his hand or have a hug . . . that would be more than worth it to me.

  • Lori

    That’s one of the funniest blog I’ve read. Of course Tom will be slightly embarrassed, but I’m sure he’ll enjoy the witty, tongue-in-cheek writing about him and have a good laugh at himself. There’s one more thing you forgot to add: I like to think he’s ultimately responsible for inspiring people or fans to do more what’s beyond themselves. To me, that’s perfection. (Ok, enough blushing, Tom! you deserve it!)

  • Ash

    Respect to Hiddleston for his accomplishments as well as his extremely difficult facial structure.

    But in all honesty, this bit weirded me out. After reading this, all I wanted to do was pour green slime on him – again no disrespect. I’d just rather see him break his suave shell and roll in the dirt. Just to seem human.

    I do applaud him for bringing the masses and a lost generation back to Shakespeare, poetry, and a love of history though. As an artist and as a person, he’s quite accomplished. I am happy that he is able to do what he loves.

  • Ren

    Reblogged this on [On These Spindrift Digital Pages] and commented:
    OH GOD, YES.

  • inihos

    Reblogged this on Writing Ink and commented:
    I love him, though it would be nice to have one on benedict Cumberbatch too.

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  • Aryam

    The most perfect human being created. Thanks for just existing and being so awesome, Tom!

  • howlingvenus

    I’ll take one, please.

  • Kora

    well you weren’t wrong about the entirety of tumblr being after your blood. tumblr; more like ‘tomblr’. but yes, tom is perhaps the sweetest, most endearing, talented and gorgeous man to have ever emerged from the British Isles. there are no faults. just perfection. and those goddamn beautiful eyes!

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