An Open Letter To Photogenic People

Hey, guys,

Hold on, hold on, put the iPhones down for a second… ironically, you’re the only people who don’t even really need Instagram, and yet I’m pretty sure you’re the ones keeping it afloat — well, you and the people who won’t stop taking pictures of their food, but I digress.

Anyway, I just need your attention for a few minutes, because I feel like those of us who have never met a candid photo of them that didn’t look like a rabies-riddled warthog freshly escaped from its cage have had enough. I mean, don’t get me wrong, everyone likes looking at pretty — and the overwhelming flood of “likes” or “reblogs” or “retweets” on all of the photos you post must reassure you that such is the case. The comments along the lines of “OH MY GOD Y ARE U SO PRETTY IT ISN’T FAIR UGHHHH,” as lighthearted as they may seem, are actually rather serious. We constantly see your photos and ask ourselves, “Why does God dole out physical beauty so sparingly that some of us get far more than any one human needs, and some of us look like a limp bowl of mashed vegetables in photos?”

I mean, clearly you know that you look beautiful in pictures — so post away! Just don’t add insult to injury. If you’re the girl whose Tumblr is almost entirely comprised of heavily filtered photos of you looking beautiful and sad in an array of clothes that I probably can’t afford/would look chunky in, at least don’t tag them with such falsely self-deprecating captions as “Ugly girl drinking tea,” or, “Why am I even doing this?” BITCH QUIET. You know that you look gorgeous, because if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be posting photos like this — you would be spending your internet time like the rest of us plebeians, scouring all social media for horrible candids someone else cruelly posted of you and promptly detagging. You would be carefully selecting profile pictures that put you at least two points higher on the hotness scale than you actually are. Hell, you might even be like me, and have a cartoon as your Twitter photo #noshame.

And if you’re the aspiring male model whose Facebook pictures are just flawless demonstrations of masculine beauty and the perfect amount of chest hair, there is no need to put them up with the question, “What do we think of this one?” You know what we think. We think that you look like a god damned ray of sunshine and we love looking at you while crying softly to ourselves and plowing through a box of Oreos like a wood chipper. Okay? Are you happy now? You’re beautiful, congratulations.

Also, by the by, why are you guys constantly going on random photo shoots, even when you have no interest in actual modeling? Are there just people who are so unbelievably beautiful that photographers stop them in the street and are like “Let’s set up a time for us to go into the woods and you to look ethereal and smolder for a while, just for fun”? Does that happen? Please tell me that doesn’t happen.

I’m just saying that it’s so hard to navigate social media when you’re living in constant fear that at any moment, someone’s going to put up a mid-laugh party photo and you will look like you have 17 chins, whereas your photogenic friend just looks like they were caught off-guard during a particularly peppy Ralph Lauren photoshoot. “Oh,” they seem to be saying, “There’s a camera there? Hello!” Just appreciate that you guys won the genetic lottery, and beyond that, have the kind of beauty that translates directly into celluloid. The rest of us would kill for that. So just own it, be proud, and there’s no need to rub it in our faces with an “Oh, gosh, what a terrible photo! Tee hee!” — you don’t have to pretend like you’re not as fabulous as you are, it only makes the actual photos all the more brutal.

Oh, and, if you dare make your profile picture a shot of the two of us where you look like Cinderella and I look like your evil, drunk stepsister — I will f-cking kill you.

Love,

Normal People TC mark

 

image – Shutterstock

Chelsea Fagan

Chelsea Fagan founded the blog The Financial Diet. She is on Twitter.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/andrew.nigrosh Andrew Ricardo

    AGREED. also – gay men who are photogenic are like self-picture-taking addicts. #pleasegetbusted

  • Guest

    Terribly bitter, aren’t we.

    • guest

      you must be one of the pretty ones.

  • anon guest

    lol. Daring to sing “normal people” is a shame to all human kind. Normal people don’t hate other that much and don’t dare writing is such a bad writing style and hatefull way.

    Oh, and looking at your picture, I understand why you hate photogenic people. But please, don’t blame your parents…

    • Michelle

      Talk about bad writing style…

      And no need to be a dousche-canoe and go for a personal blow for no reason.

    • Kenneth

      You are such a jerk, you know that? It’s her opinion. It’s not like she posted it just because she’s mad at them. She’s not. She’s just trying to make a point, a-hole. :)
      You were so brave on posting a comment like yours but you’re also a wimp for being anonymous. Scared that you might get bashed here? :)

    • ele

      have a sense of humour won’t you

    • J.L.

      a humorless photogenic person is getting cranky here..

    • Catherine

      HA, normal people hate each other plenty. You’ve just hated chelsea (a normal person) for the article she wrote, and made a snotty comment about her appearance. Hmm, pot, kettle by any chance.

      A fabulous article saying exactly what we’re all thinking.

    • Allie

      You barely make any sense, bitch. Why don’t you take your inflated head out of your ass and look up “sarcasm” or “satire” in the dictionary?

  • http://atoaster.tumblr.com Atosa

    This is wonderful. So true. although I’m nervous to share it with anyone for fear of being called a hypocrite…? #self-effacing

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  • Nic

    Hilarious!

  • Margaret Thatcher

    Eh, being extremely photogenic isn’t always so wonderful. Looking f—ing amazing in photos can lead to letdowns when people see you in real life. I’d rather be an 8 that looks like a 5 in photos, than being a 6 that looks like an 8.5.

  • http://thronesblog.com/2012/06/what-game-of-thrones-characters-would-tweet-if-they-had-twitter/ What Game Of Thrones Characters Would Tweet, If They Had Twitter … | Game of Thrones Blog

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  • But this is funny, guys.

    Why are we not talking about how effing hilarious this is fellow commenters? Seriously? I mean, yeah, yeah, with the labeling and the insecurities or whatever — but if you are even remotely exposed to the fashion blog-gy corner of the internet universe, this is so on-point that I am ready for a round of congratulatory hugs to everyone who reads this.

    • http://twitter.com/Bealtaine6 chloe cass (@Bealtaine6)

      I thought it was hilarious and absolutely bang on!Chealsea is one of my favourite writers here :)

      • http://twitter.com/Bealtaine6 chloe cass (@Bealtaine6)

        *chelsea

  • Jenny

    I don’t understand, I clicked on Chelsea’s TC profile and she’s so pretty :o

  • http://bucketofplans.tumblr.com shannon

    clicked on her name, aaaaaaaaaaaand she’s a hottie!!! but yes, coming from someone who’s semi-photogenic and takes far too much enjoyment in snapping/posting several GPOYs, i still find this very honest & funny

    so get your pretty heads out of your asses, people!

  • Elle

    My facebook profile picture doesn’t change for months at a time, mainly due to the severe lack of photos where I do not look like a shiny tomato with the Paris Hilton squinty-eye.

  • Ajay

    Are there just people who are so unbelievably beautiful that photographers stop them in the street and are like “Let’s set up a time for us to go into the woods and you to look ethereal and smolder for a while, just for fun”? Does that happen? Please tell me that doesn’t happen……..

    That totally happens… All the time… and trust me I’m serious, my photographer friends do it all the time when they meet hot people at a party. And very rarely do they get a no – Well of course.

  • ceen

    “Also, by the by, why are you guys constantly going on random photo shoots, even when you have no interest in actual modeling? Are there just people who are so unbelievably beautiful that photographers stop them in the street and are like “Let’s set up a time for us to go into the woods and you to look ethereal and smolder for a while, just for fun”? Does that happen? Please tell me that doesn’t happen.”

    It happens. A lot more than you would think.

  • @rockstarwakafs

    LMAO. That’s the reason i have a caarton avi. #ForeverTeamUgly. A’v literally laughed. Who got 7 chins?

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  • B_Rock

    “Also, by the by, why are you guys constantly going on random photo shoots, even when you have no interest in actual modeling? Are there just people who are so unbelievably beautiful that photographers stop them in the street and are like “Let’s set up a time for us to go into the woods and you to look ethereal and smolder for a while, just for fun”? Does that happen? Please tell me that doesn’t happen.”

    Oh, yeah. It happens. A lot. This photographer does the asking… even more than people enjoy looking at pretty, photographers enjoy capturing pretty… just like the old masters enjoyed painting pretty… it just is what it is. Of course, looking at your profile pic, I’d totally ask you to shoot, too.

    You dear, are SUCH a stellar writer. I’ve literally been sitting here reading your articles and laughing out loud at my desk as I prepare to write a newspaper column… it shall feel so lackluster in comparison to your material…

    happy writing!

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