Thought Catalog

25 #SummerProblems

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1. When you get into a car with vinyl seating and you immediately adhere to every surface accompanied by the soft sound of sizzling bacon, and you are reminded how much you hate everything.

2. Bugs deciding that every inch of your exposed skin is the perfect place to host their week-long music festival.

3. Having to pretend like you’re interested in purchasing various items in every other store you pass even though you have ~zero dollars in your account right now, simply so you can soak up that sweet, sweet AC.

4. Spending an entire morning doing your hair, only to have it meet the humidity at the door and poof up on all sides like some giant, fuzzy head-umbrella.

5. Rejecting 99 percent of your clothes simply because they cover more than the bare minimum amount of body parts to make you acceptable in society.

6. Public transportation taking on the general conditions of a terrarium.

7. Makeup melting down your face, making you look something like a sad clown from a velvet painting.

8. Having to decide between an ice-cold drink which promptly turns into a soup of ice-water and whatever your drink was supposed to be, or a lukewarm drink that keeps its taste but has none of the essential ice.

9. Enjoying about 10 minutes of outdoor exposure before becoming a giant abstract painting of sweat stains and unintentionally see-through clothing.

10. A forehead shiny enough to down passing commercial jets.

11. Debating sticking your head in the freezer or taking the 4th cold shower of the day, and it’s not even noon yet.

12. All of the extra empty calories you are inevitably taking in now that your liquid diet is 70 percent margaritas, daiquiris, and mojitos.

13. When you think you have that sexy summer glow going on while dancing at a party, but then you catch a glimpse of yourself in a reflective surface and are like, jk, I look like a swamp creature.

14. Farmer’s tan, which unless accompanied by a dozen acres of actual farmland, just makes you look like an asshole.

15. Cutting the corners of your mouth open on ice pops, the facial equivalent of stepping on a Lego.

16. Sticky sheets from sweating on yourself in the evening — yeah, you can’t even blame these on hot sex, you’re just gross.

17. Every bad smell being multiplied at least ten-fold.

18. “Summer jams” being overplayed until the opening notes of them make you want to kill yourself right where you’re standing.

19. Not being able to eat anything served over room temperature.

20. The unbelievable people who actually seem to look good and somewhat sexy in jungle-like heat, while you’re standing on the street like a melting wax statue, just waiting for the heat to kill you already.

21. When it’s too hot to even have sex, and someone trying to spoon with you makes you feel like you’re being suffocated by a thousand molten-hot pillows.

22. The nights when thinking of something to do makes you too hot, so you all just sit there and kind of turn into puddles on the curb, waiting for something to do.

23. Hangovers somehow being turned up to 11.

24. When you step outside at 8 a.m. and it already feels like the inside of a locker room and you’re like, damn, this does not bode well for the rest of the day.

25. When you remember, lol jk I have zero pride, and would totally sleep with someone for even temporary access to a pool. TC mark

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More From Thought Catalog

25 #SummerProblems is cataloged in , , , , , , , ,
  • kclm

    Reblogged this on kclm and commented:
    We are trying to learn…

  • http://catherinexiomara.wordpress.com catherinexiomara

    Reblogged this on catherinexiomara.

  • Erin

    YES. Thank you. I don’t know why everyone loves summer so much! I laughed at “swamp creature” because I’m pretty sure that’s what I tend to look like.

  • http://twitter.com/geology_rocks Haley F (@geology_rocks)

    I’m confounded by those Orthodox Jewish women in their nylons and wigs and ankle length black dresses and how they never seem to sweat. HOW?

  • Maja

    AAHHAHAHA :DDDDD This is honestly the first article that made me literally laugh out loud with every new point. I’m alone and laughing like crazy! Such wit! Thank you! :)))))))

  • Claire

    Whiner.

  • leesa

    i think most of these summer problems can be summed up in that it’s too hot and we sweat because of it

  • chloe

    its winter here in new zealand, this all sounds very appealing. Walking outside is like walking into a fridge! Had on two layers of thermals and still got sick!

    • L

      I actually moved to NZ for June-September just so I could avoid the horrible heat of NYC. Haha

  • http://bybun.com/weekend-treats/weekend-treats-11/ weekend treats. | by bun -

    […] while we’re talking lists…here’s 25 summer problems (more like […]

  • http://www.facebook.com/sarasuebeedoo Sara Suzanne

    anyone suffering from the hot hot pains of summer should move to Seattle. It doesn’t get warmer than like, 65-70 until after the 4th of July, and usually never above 80 after that…
    pretty much no where has AC.

  • SMB

    Chelsea Fagan, I think you’re absolutely brilliant

  • Alice

    15. Cutting the corners of your mouth open on ice pops, the facial equivalent of stepping on a Lego.

  • http://mangopeels.wordpress.com mathewpaulk

    Sweating is the yuckiest part, you wont even get girls, the sweat stains are like the scariest shit to girls !!

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