Mondays: The Worst Thing About Civilized Society

I understand that we all have to contribute. We have to get up and do something — school, work, drug dealing — more days than not so that the cogs of civilization can continue to turn. And yes, it makes sense that there is one day that, generally speaking, kicks off the “contribution” period of our weeks. There has to be some beginning to those five days, and it just happens to be Monday. But the way in which this unassuming little day has, by and large, ruined so much of what’s awesome about existence is pretty astounding. Though there will always be the yin and the yang of work and play, Monday must be universally reviled on principle.

There are so many things about being an adult that suck from which children are generally excused. Kids don’t pay taxes, they don’t have to parallel park, they don’t have to pick people up from the airport super early in the morning. And yet, even for the most innocent kindergartener, the cruel mistress that is Monday is a pain from which they are not exempt. They, too, have to go from a weekend jacked up on cartoons and Nesquik to the daily grind of homework, quizzes, and that one kid in class who asks the teacher if there is any homework thirty seconds before the bell rings. They have learned to hate at such a young age. And perhaps it’s a good thing, perhaps the utter dread that settles like a fine mist on Sunday evening as they pack their bookbags and finish the homework they put off is preparing them for the reality of life. But I can’t help but feel that children should be free of some horrors.

It should be said that that dread, that Sunday night malaise, it has frankly begun devouring Sunday in its entirety. There is a certain degree to which you can’t fully enjoy Sunday, because even as early as brunch, you’re acutely aware that tomorrow is going to be filled with commuting, with projects, with meetings, and with people you don’t want to deal with. The only time that really remains pure, weekend-speaking, is Friday night. You know that even tomorrow, when you wake up with a throbbing hangover, there is a whole day and night of absolute freedom. There is a buffer before Monday. How unfortunate that weekends are unable to reach their maximum relaxation potential with the oppressive cloud of the work week looming over it.

And even if you love your job, your classes, your coworkers — Monday is still an enormous hassle. Yes, there are going to be many times when you enjoy what you’re doing throughout the week, or feel fulfilled by the work you’re doing. But to know that five days of straight obligation await you, with no option to say, “Yeah, no, I think I’m going to retreat from society for a week-ish” is pretty brutal. That’s what’s truly unfortunate about Monday, and what it represents in life — the concept that we have responsibilities, whatever they may be, and we only get two days of respite from constantly being told what to do. In middle school, even going on a field trip or knowing you’re watching a movie in class that week couldn’t take the edge off of getting up that first day after the weekend. Sure, it would probably be awesome when you got there, but beds are never more comfortable nor TV shows more watchable than on Monday mornings. It is a day that, if we had our way, would be spent hanging out in pajamas and watching movies — Sunday version 2.0.

But perhaps the worst part of all is the enormous tools who rub in your face just how refreshed, energized, and motivated they are on Mondays. They bound into school or work with an air about them that says, “I got more sleep than you and ate Greek yogurt with homemade granola in the morning, please punch me in the face.” There should be some sort of law that, even if you just found out you won the lottery on Sunday night and Jay Z asked you if you wanted to do a song with him and ride around on one of his yachts, you still have to be melancholy the next morning. Our collective hatred of starting the week is directly proportional to how much Steve next to us is talking about how awesome he feels after the bike ride he went on at 6 AM. We all have to work together.

So it’s pretty certain that Mondays are always going to plague humanity with their demands of productivity and participation, and we may never build complex enough robots to make the work week obsolete, though I’m holding out hope that I’ll see it in my lifetime. However, in the meantime, we can always start the week of with a special breakfast, a decent night’s sleep, and maybe a little cocaine to take the edge off.

Or we could just add some more three-day weekends to the calendar. Those are God’s gift to humanity for discovering fire. TC mark

image – Shutterstock

Chelsea Fagan

Chelsea Fagan founded the blog The Financial Diet. She is on Twitter.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/josephbrillantes Joseph Brillantes

    “…we can always start the week of with a special breakfast, a decent
    night’s sleep, and maybe a little cocaine to take the edge off.” -> That cracked (:p) me up.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Angel-Arturo-Ramírez-Suárez/1432146401 Angel Arturo Ramírez Suárez

    Not so sure, even though we hate it, productivity is necessary for our survival, sometimes more directly than others. If you’re a doctor you don’t get the luxury of taking a “day off” because you know that by doing so a life is potentially lost. Its very hard but necessary. I believe the best we can do is enjoy our lives as best as we can and stop worrying about how much we hate something.

  • Shaleen

    I thought I was the only one who felt the Monday blues on a Sunday morning.

  • _____

    First year college student here, spent what seems like years of my life figuring out my class schedules for this year in order to have classes only monday-thursday. i can’t imagine going back to those measly little 2 day weekends…

  • Michaelwg

    “Did you get the memo about the TPS reports? It’s just that we’re putting cover sheets on them now. So if you could just go ahead and do that…that’d be great”
    What makes this article so much better is that I watched Office Space last night. Timely!

  • Natalie

    I locked my keys in my car this morning. It’s definitely a Monday. 

  • http://underwaterbreedingapparatus.blogspot.in/ Max K.

    You know, I always thought Garfield was a cynical prick for hating Mondays so much. Maybe if he just ate less lasagna, got a hobby, he’d be better off. But this has shed a new light for me on how terrible Mondays are. Chelsea Fagan, you have reaffirmed my faith in Garfield, and for that I am forever grateful. Bravo.

    • http://underwaterbreedingapparatus.blogspot.com/ Max K

      That was me by the way guys. Forgot my password for a second. Crisis averted.

  • http://twitter.com/Paudere Liva Paudere

    Good writing but I generally dislike when people complain about Mondays or on a Wednesday talk about how near the weekend is. It’s extremely annoying. They spend their whole lives waiting for the weekend. If you are only going to enjoy two days out of 7, consider other options. 

    • jenn

      ….go away.

  • Anonymous

    I was one of those people this morning-I just know this week is going to be great!:D

  • http://twitter.com/alymontero Alyssa

    It’s like you extracted every thought in my brain. 

  • http://twitter.com/Joao_Nuno João Nuno Álvares

    Ode to Friday night.

  • Andrea

    I’m in college, classes from Monday-Thursday. I have a three-day weekend. And it’s WONDERFUL. I’m terrified of entering “The Real World” just because I know I’ll be forced to cut down on my weekend days.

  • http://twitter.com/sunkenship87 Nguyen Phuong Thu

    After being unemployed for 4 months, I’ve started to appreciate every single productive day of a week. Make every day special, you’re living.

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