I Just Want To Roll Around In Cadbury Creme Eggs Until I Drown

I feel like, if I were looking to form some timeline of eras or periods in my life, I could chop it in two — before and after I discovered the Cadbury Creme Egg. Before, I think I was pretty content with what the dessert world had to offer, secure in the knowledge that between cupcakes, gummy bears, and ice cream, all the bases were covered. But then along came this chocolate egg filled with what can only be described as sugary ecstasy, and it was though my entire world imploded. Suddenly, the bar for what a dessert was and what it should entail had been raised at least three levels from wherever it was before. Suddenly, the world was a better place.

And if you are one of those people who is going to Debbie Down me right now and be like, “Ugh, I don’t know, I’m not really a dessert person and they’re a little too sweet, you know, a little too rich,” you can take your suitcase full of radishes and quinoa and go sit outside in the rain. This is Easter, the holiday in which absolutely nothing is related to anything, and multi-colored rabbits lay eggs filled with chocolate and toys for children to find in the yard before you go inside to eat marshmallow chickens and then later have a ham dinner. This is for Jesus, clearly. If there’s anything you’re not allowed to be lame about, it’s this holiday. And you know what? When it comes to junk food — I’m pretty sure I have more of a salt tooth than a sweet tooth, but when someone hands you a rich milk chocolate shell filled with gooey fondant that’s made to look like THE ACTUAL INSIDE OF A CHICKEN EGG, you say thank you and you eat it the way God intended.

But here, I’ll compromise. If they’re really just that intense on the sugar front and you can’t take it, have a handful of Cadbury Mini Eggs. They’re structurally just like M & M’s, with the milk chocolate center and the hard sugar shell, but every individual component is of so much higher quality that the end product is like nothing you’ve ever tasted. You sit down in front of a family-size bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs and you think “lol, family, lol” and you eat that whole thing in one sitting because Easter only comes once a year. This isn’t some 365-day excursion of chocolate we’re embarking on, this has a time limit. But if all you can manage this season is the Mini Eggs, you should be ashamed. You should go into your corner with your crappy Palmer’s chocolate rabbit that tastes like wet cardboard and broken dreams, and you should think about all of the delicious confection you’re not strong enough to eat.

Because opening that egg is like looking briefly into the face of God — something that only wants us to be happy, that only sees us at our most innocent and loving. It makes us all children again, if only for a moment, and reminds us that we need to take the little pleasures as they come. The Egg is a treat that comes around for a little while each spring, when the flowers are just beginning to bloom and the birds are singing, unafraid, for the first time since the leaves fell so many months ago. It is a treat that tells us, “Winter is over, my children, come play in the sun.” And by “the sun,” it means the molten orange fondant core at the center of its sugary shell. Thank you, Easter. No matter how bizarre and apropos of nothing your celebrations are, you will always have brought us The Egg, and for that, we salute you. TC mark

image – Cadbury

Chelsea Fagan

Chelsea Fagan founded the blog The Financial Diet. She is on Twitter.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

Read Here

More From Thought Catalog

  • Oliver Miller

    I like the commercials with the chirping bunny.  The actual eggs with the sugar paste goo make me feel like my teeth are in pain.  Still, it has a yolk.  That’s cool, that they gave it a yolk.  Someone thought of that and it was a good idea.

    • http://kylelamar.com/ Kyle LaMar

      The “bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk” is forever etched in my mind.

    • Jenny

      my favorite is the cat “bawk-meow bawk-meow”

  • http://bespoken4.org Bespoken4

    Chelsea – I think, let me rephrase, *know*, we need to be friends, based solely on this –>
    ” You sit down in front of a family-size bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs and you think “lol, family, lol” and you eat that whole thing in one sitting because Easter only comes once a year. “

  • Meghann Myers

    You’re a great writer, Chels, but this needs some copy-editing pronto.

  • Michaelwg

    You don’t like CadburyCreme Eggs until you can no longer fit them into your mouth and start going the Suppository route.
    “This is for Jesus, clearly” –genius

  • obese person

    I once ate about a dozen of these after consuming a hash brownie. They are too fucking good.

  • Anonymous

    “you can take your suitcase full of radishes and quinoa and go sit outside in the rain.”

    LOL

  • TheresaKay

    YES

  • Danaynay

    I’m glad to know I’m not alone in my sticky foil-wrapped chocolate egg indulgence. I can’t help but feel I should have stopped eating these when I was 15 but… I just… can’t.

  • guest

    do dunk anything in them? like fries?

  • Anonymous

    “… like looking briefly into the face of God”
    That is the most beautiful metaphor i’ve ever heard. What’s better is that it is in honor of the Cadbury Creme Egg.
    I salute you. 

  • Why Lime?

    The British have these gifts of God YEAR ROUND.  What’s more, their McDonald’s have had McFlurries for both of these these treats.  McFlurries!  For Creme Eggs and Mini Eggs!  I’ll just let that sink in for a while.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VYDVROKY4PUBOKUHB3QF42FH2Y Paul S

    You’re gonna get the diabetes!

    • Ecb623

      **type 2. do your research.

  • Octopus

    Love this, so much. My mother hates Cadbury Creme Eggs, so I never got to eat them growing up. Whenever I see these in a store, just having the possibility of buying them makes me giddy.

    And a bit about Easter, cause this is a bit of a pet peeve of mine: it does makes sense in a historical context. Pagans celebrated spring with symbols of fertility (eggs, bunnies), and then Christians came along and shoved Jesus in there, cause getting people to celebrate your thing is easier if you celebrate their thing too. The name ‘Easter’ comes from the goddess Eostre.

  • Emeryallison86

    THIS was so HILARIOUS and amazing!

  • Bealtaine

    My local shop are selling them for fifty cents at the moment…it took all I could do not to cash in my college money and buy a lifetime supply :P

  • Brendac_jackson

    ive had the shittiest week in a very long time and this article was the first thing that’s made me laugh in days. you’re an angel.

  • http://twitter.com/iamthe0nly Jordana Bevan

    i cadbury creamed my pants

  • Anda

    I had a deep fried batter creme egg a couple of weeks ago… Even better than a normal creme egg, it’s like pancakes, cake and creme egg rolled into one. You should get a chippy to make you one!

  • Anonymous

    (www) . (iairmaxshoes) . (com)

    Cheapest Air Jordan Shoes,Tiffany Jewelry Company,Wholesale AF Clothing

    Online Store:

    Cheapest Vans Shoes  $37

    Fashion Tiffany Bangles $20

    Wholesale Hollister Tshirt $18

    jordan shoes $38

    nike shox $37

    Christan Audigier bikini $18

    Ed Hardy Bikini $18

    Sinful short_t-shirt_woman $16

    (www) . (iairmaxshoes) . (com) 

  • Jamie

    Got linked here from a commenter on the Pop Culture Happy Hour FB, and this made me laugh out loud multiple times. Fantastic. And spot-on.

  • Anonymous

    Totally understand. I often want to sleep on a bed of reese’s peanut butter cups.

  • Ariel

    Last night I ate a cadbury creme egg. This article popped into my mind. Particularly this part:

     It is a treat that tells us, “Winter is over, my children, come play in the sun.” And by “the sun,” it means the molten orange fondant core at the center of its sugary shell. 

    It added a nice mental imagery to my latest cadbury experience, thank you.

  • Franco

    Ew. All I can say is fuck you seriously….

  • https://thoughtcatalog.com/koty-neelis/2015/01/hahahahahahaha/ 16 Hilarious Thought Catalog Articles That Will Brighten Your Day | Thought Catalog

    […] 2. I Just Want To Roll Around In Cadbury Creme Eggs Until I Drown – Chelsea Fagan […]

blog comments powered by Disqus