So You’re Getting Married? That’s Really, Really Cool.

It’s official. I have entered into that hallowed, honorable age bracket of people around you falling in love and getting married. How wonderful for them. And I love weddings — I love the pomp and circumstance, I love the hopefulness, I love the free cake, it’s all fine by me. But up until now, I had a rosy, dream-like vision of what weddings entailed and how fun they were for those even peripherally involved, unclouded by actually having to deal with anyone going through the process of planning a wedding. Now that I’ve seen it first hand, I am considering eloping to Vegas when my time comes, if only to spare everyone my secondhand agony.

It’s so strange to me how people with full, interesting, thoughtful lives can at once just devolve into a series of cliches and minor frustrations about caterers. Being a blushing bride-to-be seems to ensure, without exception, that your Facebook, Twitter, and any other human contact — real or electronic — from here on out will simply be an ever-more-tedious list of things you have to get done before the wedding, and how stressful it all is. (But you wouldn’t have it any other way, of course! <3) Things I get the pleasure of reading about, every day, from people who used to have an occasional original thought:

  • The width of the ribbon used to tie the little tinkling bell to the invitations being far too wide to fit through the little heart-shaped hole.
  • The tawdry, whorish shade of puce that the bridesmaids dresses came in, when they were specifically ordered in mint.
  • The amount of weight being gained as 10 different variants of lemon silk are tasted for the filling of the second-tier of the cake.
  • The surprising structural integrity of fondant as a pastry cover.
  • The deep, spiraling, unweidly, Godless hellhole that apparently is seating arrangements.
  • The endlessly difficult task of picking out a playlist for the reception. (By the by, you can all stop kidding yourselves, you’re all going to have the same 30 songs and Jump On It or The Macarena, depending on regional tastes.)

Before social media, I imagine that the kind of smiling and nodding expected by listeners over the course of months-long planning was limited to close friends and family. Now, even that dude you met at the concert two years ago can listen to you ramble on about trying to please both sides of the family with the bed and breakfast you chose. As the months plod on and the complaints get more frequent, more frantic, and more anxious, it seems to the readers as though this wedding will never come, and when it finally does, it will be nothing more than a giant sigh of relief that you won’t hear any more talk about veil length and you may eventually hear an interesting anecdote from this person again.

I don’t want to begrudge anyone their happy day, and I can’t wait to fulfill my duties as bridesmaid for my sister and close friends one day. But I fully accept that with that title will come a lot of tedious errands and, more importantly, a lot of listening to a woman in my life that I love ramble incoherently about the unbelievable incompetence of her tailor. It’s part of the gig. But for people whom I barely know, people whose weddings I’m not attending, people who used to post cool videos of snakes molting or whatever and now only talk about fabric options — I implore you, get a grip. Limit yourselves to one status a day complaining about your limo service, and maybe try and sprinkle in a thought about a current event or comment on the weather, if it’s not too much to ask.

Best wishes! TC mark

image – julian wylegly

Chelsea Fagan

Chelsea Fagan founded the blog The Financial Diet. She is on Twitter.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • http://twitter.com/spencercniemetz Spencer Niemetz

    If you catch the bouquet, burn it.

  • http://twitter.com/spencercniemetz Spencer Niemetz

    If you catch the bouquet, burn it.

  • http://twitter.com/spencercniemetz Spencer Niemetz

    If you catch the bouquet, burn it.

  • http://twitter.com/spencercniemetz Spencer Niemetz

    If you catch the bouquet, burn it.

  • http://twitter.com/spencercniemetz Spencer Niemetz

    If you catch the bouquet, burn it.

  • http://twitter.com/spencercniemetz Spencer Niemetz

    If you catch the bouquet, burn it.

  • http://twitter.com/mung_beans Mung Beans

    I dunno, it’s worse in the couple months post-wedding.

    ‘Love grocery shopping with my hubby! Excited for what we will create this week…. :)’
    ‘Enjoying a beautiful Sunday with my husband. Happy 3 month anniversary. Love you!!!’
    ‘Honeymoon over…married life here we go :)’
    ‘Can’t wait for my celebratory dinner with the hubster at Carrabbas tonight! I Love Him!’

    • http://twitter.com/mung_beans Mung Beans

      but also, sitting at the ‘young singles’ table is the worst, I don’t really know what the worst part of friend-weddings is, it’s all kind of the worst except for the open bar

    • Sophia

      lol “the hubster”

    • douchegirl

      OMG THIS. 

  • http://twitter.com/mung_beans Mung Beans

    I dunno, it’s worse in the couple months post-wedding.

    ‘Love grocery shopping with my hubby! Excited for what we will create this week…. :)’
    ‘Enjoying a beautiful Sunday with my husband. Happy 3 month anniversary. Love you!!!’
    ‘Honeymoon over…married life here we go :)’
    ‘Can’t wait for my celebratory dinner with the hubster at Carrabbas tonight! I Love Him!’

  • http://twitter.com/mung_beans Mung Beans

    I dunno, it’s worse in the couple months post-wedding.

    ‘Love grocery shopping with my hubby! Excited for what we will create this week…. :)’
    ‘Enjoying a beautiful Sunday with my husband. Happy 3 month anniversary. Love you!!!’
    ‘Honeymoon over…married life here we go :)’
    ‘Can’t wait for my celebratory dinner with the hubster at Carrabbas tonight! I Love Him!’

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=11814051 Brian P. Walsh

    Oh, the agony of being forced to read about others’ lives via social media.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=11814051 Brian P. Walsh

    Oh, the agony of being forced to read about others’ lives via social media.

  • http://typewriterpoetry.wordpress.com b r

    Sister article (re: kids/pregnancy) ?

  • http://twitter.com/TheRealMacD Josh MacD

    Seriously, way to be a huge, self-involved grouch!

    • A.

      So you’re getting married soon?

  • http://twitter.com/TheRealMacD Josh MacD

    Seriously, way to be a huge, self-involved grouch!

  • emev

    This is applicable to so much more than just weddings.

  • Burnddrumma

    Kind of tired of all the “stop whining” comments.  If it bugs you, speak up.  I agree, though.  Seeing my friends reduced from interesting ungergrads to a brain between two bodies is disappointing from an outsiders perspective.

    …IMO.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jonathon-Ferrari/100001319787228 Jonathon Ferrari

    The biggest slap in the face at a wedding is a cash bar or beer and wine only. That shit should be announced on the invitation.

  • http://twitter.com/dianasalier diana salier

    then you get the post-wedding, “me and my hubby are (insert some activity) this weekend!” status updates.  me and my hubby are making everyone vomit and praise the lord that they’re single this weekend.

  • asil

    I think that the new moms are way worse – I’ve actually been deleting anyone who solicits votes on every “cutest baby” contest multiple times per day.  You’re the only one who thinks your baby is that special.  Shut the hell up.

  • Sophia

    unwieldy*

  • http://twitter.com/tannnyaya Tanya Salyers

    My roommate’s ex-best friend lost 3 bridesmaids in the process of her wedding.  I wish people would just chill out about it.

  • http://twitter.com/tannnyaya Tanya Salyers

    My roommate’s ex-best friend lost 3 bridesmaids in the process of her wedding.  I wish people would just chill out about it.

  • JoBob

    can we have a sequel called “so you had a baby and you’re a mom now?  that’s really, really cool.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/nattusmith Natt Smith

    Baby comments are the worst.   

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