My Unhealthy Obsession With Anderson Cooper

Anderson Cooper. The Silver Fox. Mr. Vanderbilt. Sex With A Side Part. However you refer to him — and all names are equally apt — there is no denying that Anderson Cooper’s appeal is one that transcends all age, gender, and reason. He, for me, goes beyond the upper echelons of Husband Material to the stratosphere of unattainable, nearly inhuman perfection. And to address the large, well-dressed elephant in the room — who cares? People can debate for hours, days, about whether he’d rather cuddle up with Sofia Vergara or Ryan Gosling. Everyone wants Anderson to be playing for their team, but the truth is, he is far too good for the sport itself. Anderson has a sexuality that can’t be registered on any normal, human scale. He only sleeps with demigods and wood nymphs.

Perhaps I am so obsessed because he has a serious appreciation for world events and a dedication to real journalism, but at night curls up to watch the Real Housewives claw each others’ eyes out as he giggles adorably. I imagine that we would put on our fuzziest pyjamas, finish matching pints of Ben and Jerry’s (Coop Coop would never judge you for finishing the whole pint — he knows you’ve had a hard week) and laugh at how much of a complete mess Courtney Stodden is. He just… gets it. In every way you can. And, though technically Nancy Grace is his network sister, he redeems his legitimacy with his engaging 60 Minutes pieces. He is the truest definition of a Renaissance Man.

And, though I could write an entire novel on this incident alone, no few moments of live television have warmed my steely little heart quite like his descent into giggling madness as he discussed Gerard Depardieu’s public urination. There is only one person in the world who could be rendered more sexy by the fact that he has the giggle of an 8-year-old girl, and that person is Anderson Cooper. The sound of his unbridled laughter at a number-two joke is like Christmas and Disneyworld wrapped together, sprinkled with hope for the future.

Perhaps it’s my affinity for a good side-part/ cardigan combination. Perhaps it’s my lingering love over his hilarious tearing-apart of Living Lohan on the Regis & Kelly show a while back. Perhaps it’s just because he genuinely seems to not take himself too seriously, and always manages to keep his private life private. Regardless of the reason, there is no denying that Anderson Cooper is the one person with whom I would simultaneously entrust the running of our country, have an all-day trashy reality TV marathon, and plan a fulfilling life in the Hamptons with our perfect, silvery children and rotating list of dinner guests that includes the Obamas and Countess LuAnn.

Anderson Cooper is a God among men, and I salute him. TC mark

image – Craig O’Neal

Chelsea Fagan

Chelsea Fagan founded the blog The Financial Diet. She is on Twitter.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • Mary

    Thank you Chelsea, for putting my thoughts in to words. No one could do it better!

  • Mary

    Thank you Chelsea, for putting my thoughts in to words. No one could do it better!

  • Mary

    Thank you Chelsea, for putting my thoughts in to words. No one could do it better!

  • Mary

    Thank you Chelsea, for putting my thoughts in to words. No one could do it better!

  • Mary

    Thank you Chelsea, for putting my thoughts in to words. No one could do it better!

  • Mary

    Thank you Chelsea, for putting my thoughts in to words. No one could do it better!

  • Mary

    Thank you Chelsea, for putting my thoughts in to words. No one could do it better!

  • Mary

    Thank you Chelsea, for putting my thoughts in to words. No one could do it better!

  • Mary

    Thank you Chelsea, for putting my thoughts in to words. No one could do it better!

  • mya

    YES
    I CONCUR SO HARD

  • mya

    YES
    I CONCUR SO HARD

  • mya

    YES
    I CONCUR SO HARD

  • mya

    YES
    I CONCUR SO HARD

  • mya

    YES
    I CONCUR SO HARD

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=612928768 Samie Rose

    I was JUST obsessing to my coworker over him earlier today. THIS RULES.

  • http://twitter.com/NukeSpoon Crispy Frontboat

    After watching him deal with the GOP debate, I am going to say any man who doesn’t have a boner for him is totally insecure with his sexuality.

  • Rachel

    This essay/article is funny because
    1. AnCoop really IS that delicious
    2. it’s refreshingly well-written

  • Anonymous

    Mr. Salt & Pepper Integrity

  • Guest

    I don’t like that so many people like him as much as I do. That significantly lowers my chances.

  • Liyana

    Everything about this is Accurate with a capital A. ANDYPANTS MY SILVERHAIRED WOODLAND ELF~* 

  • Liyana

    Everything about this is Accurate with a capital A. ANDYPANTS MY SILVERHAIRED WOODLAND ELF~* 

  • Liyana

    Everything about this is Accurate with a capital A. ANDYPANTS MY SILVERHAIRED WOODLAND ELF~* 

  • Kang Shik Lee

    Can I say I don’t like him nor his politics nor do I care much about looks without being called a bigot, racist, homophobe?  Probably not but I’ll say it anyway, I hate his ultra-liberal views and since I’m a straight man I’m not attracted to him either. not that straight men don’t have man crushes but they identify with Tom Brady or Daniel Craig.  Now that I think about it, I don’t even think gay men find him attractive, don’t you guys like manly men, like fire fighters, cowboys and construction workers (Village People) and Anderson is nothing like that, he’s more of a fantasy for old housewives and little girls.

    • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

      I’m a tried-and-true lover of “manly men” — but Cooper could still get it. You’re acting like he’s a hyper-effeminate character a la ‘Absolutely Fabulous’.

    • http://www.facebook.com/t.jason.ham Jason Ham

      yo, cooper can get it from me any fucking day he wants, man.

      you’re half right, though. anderson cooper’s boyfriend (or the last one i heard about) is this massively jacked “daddy” type that owns a few bars in manhattan. (woof/$$…)

    • Catt

      “Can I say I don’t like him nor his politics nor do I care much about looks without being called a bigot, racist, homophobe?”
      Sure, if you have good reasons.

      “I’m not attracted to him”
      Okay.

      “[straight guys] identify with Tom Brady or Daniel Craig”
      Really?

      “don’t you [gay] guys like manly men, like fire fighters”
      Wait, but-

      “Anderson[‘s] … more of a fantasy for old housewives and little girls”
      Okay, NOW you’re a bigoted homophobe.

    • http://twitter.com/mung_beans Mung Beans

      “straight men… identify with Tom Brady or Daniel Craig”
      the gayest thing I’ve ever heard

  • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

    Can you guys double-underline THE silver fox? ‘Cause I do all the time… in my journal. You know, to balance out the hearts with arrows piercing the center of them. *le sigh*

  • http://twitter.com/tannnyaya Tanya Salyers

    “Coop Coop”…love it.

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