Thought Catalog

Husband Material, Vol. 1: Ryan Gosling

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As we all know, I am a big fan of marriage. I just love everything about it. It’s traditional, it’s a little irrational, and it’s awesome. I don’t want to hear the cold, hard rationalism you’re trying to sprinkle over my world — you can take that shit over to Reason magazine and have a self-congratulation contest while you explain why unicorns don’t exist. Whatever. Here, we’re allowed to indulge our fantasies and foster that stack of vintage bridal magazines under the bed.

And here, in my new series, Husband Material, exclusively on Thought Catalog, I’ll be presenting my prime selections for marriage. They have been raised to the finest point of ripeness and are ready to pluck off the vine of singledom and crushed under the old gypsy woman feet of matrimony into a fine, fine wine. They embody everything that is required in a perfectly acceptable suitor, and even come with customized, valuable dowries. They are the epitome of a gentleman, and where better to start than with the man who makes awkward hipster girls everywhere… humid, Ryan Gosling?

Name: Ryan Gosling

Age: 30

Occupation: Actor, Thinker, Wearer of Fashionable Yet Non-Threatening Blazers

Description: Ryan, having gotten his start on the Mickey Mouse Club, was seemingly pre-destined for fame by being that perfect combination of attractive, yet relatable. He’s not that young Brad Pitt kind of attractive, where they’re so good looking it’s like staring into the surface of the sun. No, Ryan has the sheepish grin and long features of someone you could actually see yourself kind of dating. He’s soft spoken, likes to break up street fights, is just muscular enough, and does one indie movie for every two moneymakers — a good ratio. Also, admit it, you love him in The Notebook. He is a man capable of making James Marsden look like pigeon feces, he is a man of honor.

Benefits to Marriage: Being with Ryan would mean being respected/ admired by everyone from the screaming cadavers on the E! network, all the way down to your insufferable, pretentious roommate. Ryan would provide you with indie cred, universal access, and fuzzy cardigans.

Drawbacks: You’re always going to know you came after Regina George.

You Must Be: Willing to travel, willing to sit through a lot of tiny film festivals, willing to accept that every other girl on the planet would stab you in the eye with a nail file just to get a chance to shake hands with your husband. Also, no cats.

The Dowry Ryan Brings: 40 of his father’s sturdiest goats, 3 of his most milky cows, 60 acres of fertile soil, and about a billion deep-V American Apparel shirts. TC mark

image – AlBBie905
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Husband Material, Vol. 1: Ryan Gosling is cataloged in , , , , , , , , ,
  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=612928768 Samie Rose

    Marry me, Ryan. :c

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=612928768 Samie Rose

    Marry me, Ryan. :c

  • pleaseandthankyou

    Cats… Hate them.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_OMKJGMJS5GYTR2JK333OBDX6K4 Sarah

    he also wants to give up acting to make beautiful babies!s

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=707272007 Alex Thayer

    potential wife material: emma watson +10 years

  • Elizabeth

    A great pick to start your series with! Definitely looking forward to the next men who are husband material!

  • Vicky Shazam

    oy i’d marry him in a heartbeat. you also left out that he is an incredible musician. he has a band called Dead Man’s Bones. he is truly an amazing gentleman. and i’d love to procreate with him. <3

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=9383035 Scott Muska

      Dead Man’s Bones: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGakxDyjwzc
      You can’t not have a man crush on him.

      Also, he was on an episode of Ellen where he brought onesies for the entire crowd.

      • http://www.twitter.com/mexifrida Frida

        i think we’re all a little more obsessed now.

  • Mashka

    Maybe I am just really inept when it comes to choosing potential suitors, but Ryan just doesn’t do it for me. Sure he’s cute, good actor, blah blah blah but I really could care less one way or another.

    Get back to me when you do a piece on James Franco. I could do a piece on him. I want a piece of him. 

  • http://thefirstchurchofmutterhals.blogspot.com/ mutterhals

    The Ryan Gosling boat has sailed and left me at the harbor, I just do not understand the appeal of this guy.

    • HNnnNG

      This was me for the past couple of years and then it just hit me. Ryan Gosling is a babe. I have no idea where it came from..

  • Kennneth

    Ryan Gosling’s mother was in a couple of my english tutorials at university (she was obviously going in for that whole post-motherhood “I’m going to go back to school!” shtick). Anyway, she was so dreadfully stupid and sucked a lot. This is a true story, at our graduation ceremony he yelled out “I love you mom” as she crossed the stage. It was fucking kife. 

  • scin

    YES. they ARE screaming cadavers on E! that’s exactly what they are! that is the truest thing i’ve read all day.

  • Brendacosta11

    I wouldn’t mind fucking Ryan for the rest of my life. No. I would not mind that at all. 

  • Magu

    Mmmm, some people think otherwise: http://www.glamour.com/fashion/blogs/slaves-to-fashion/2011/07/257-words-on-why-ryan-gosling.html

  • ryguy

    hey girl, i can’t wait to give up my lucrative acting career to love you for the rest of my life. love, ry-guy.

    • http://somuchtocome.blogspot.com Aja

      Bahahaha!

  • http://profiles.google.com/btlcs90 syahmi azri

    i would love to be with the other Ryan, the Reynolds,such a hottie in Green Lantern. But having two Ryan on bed wont do any harm. 

  • Mandy

    I LOVE him and would definitely have his babies. He’s an amazing guy!

  • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

    An ideal first candidate. Can’t wait to see the rest of the list!

  • a.

    Call me!

  • Anonymous

    Joseph Gordon-Levitt as potential husband material #2, anyone?

    • http://somuchtocome.blogspot.com Aja

       I second this notion.

    • Guest

      no.

    • http://twitter.com/mung_beans Mung Beans

      he should stop being in totally boring movies

      • MM

        he’s not boring! 

  • Tot-nibbler

    I first knew I loved him when he was on Breaker High. He was kind of geeky and his sidekick was the chubby kid. Late teens/20-something CDNS, you remember right? Fantasy-land-high-school-on-a-cruise ship…

    Na na na-na-na hey hey…

    • Tiggershell76

      I have been watching him since Breaker High as well!  Can’t wait for the rest of his movies to come out, he has played some very different roles past years, excellent actor!

  • allysamsantos

    I agree with you. 

  • MM

    can’t wait for more!

    how about 

    Leonardo diCaprio
    Bradley Cooper
    Joseph Gordon-Levitt

    and more when i can think of them

  • theyearofyou

    A break-down of ryan gosling’s abs:

    http://chalkystudebaker.tumblr.com/post/10457990776

  • Allie

    No mention of his weirdly awesome love of bones and skeletons, and his music-making side adventure? Obviously, I’m more worthy of his hand in marriage than you, Chelsea.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=653240322 Shelley Mattson

    I find Ryan very interesting, he kinda draws you in and makes you want to know more, mystery and desire are a dangerous combination!  Would love to meet him next time he’s back in Ontario, see if he can keep me under his spell………..

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