4 Cool Things Ruined By the People Who Love Them

There are some things–movies, cities, music, etc–that are pretty cool. They’re enjoyable, interesting, and have a little something in them for everyone. Sadly, though, some of these cool things get co-opted by a rabid, irrational, grating group of fans that squeeze every last drop of enjoyment out of them for the rest of us. Do you like thirty-minute tirades about cultural fads or events that you only somewhat care about? Well, then you’ll love these things! Enjoy…but I mean really enjoy this article, man, you know?

1. The French New Wave– Ohhhh myyyyy godddd you guys, the French New Wave. Look at these films. Look at how moody and surreal and sad and colorless they are. What’s that? Of course I don’t speak French, all the better! With the subtitles on, I can take stills from the movie where a man is sitting alone, smoking at a cafe, and the caption just reads “Life is meaningless.” I’ll be Tumblr famous in mere hours! You just wouldn’t get these films, man. You just…you can’t! It’s about life, and cheating on your lover, and laying across an unmade bed like a broken ragdoll and blowing smoke rings around your ex husband’s sister’s live-in boyfriend’s naked body after a sweaty roll in the hay. And Anna Karina, don’t even get me started on Anna Karina! I could look at pictures of her looking sad for the rest of my life! Look at how well-applied her eyeliner is and how many cigarettes she can smoke while looking out the window–that’s talent you just can’t teach! Man, you’ll just never understand the French New Wave. I guess you should just keep watching Tyler Perry movies and eating Kentucky Fried Chicken like the rest of America. Neanderthals.

2. Harry Potter– Did you hear JK Rowling just announced an obscure, irrelevant-to-the-overall-story fact about one of the books to appease the hoardes of rabid fans clamoring at her front door with pitchforks? Did you hear it?! Well I’m going to talk about it non stop for the next two weeks, until the new trailer for the last movie comes out and I can watch it on loop in my room with the curtains shut as I touch myself to fanfic about Ron and Malfoy falling in love. I know these are children’s books, but what does that even mean?! There is a child inside all of us, and these books speak to that child in Parseltongue! How could you possibly expect me to survive my soul-crushing, dead-end job or the classrooms full of barbaric students who don’t even know which House they’d be sorted into without my fantasy world to escape to at night?! You like Harry Potter? You LIKE Harry Potter?! No, you do not like it when the face of God is turning towards you and smiling as he tenderly hands you a wand. You love it. You love it so much you spend hours making GIFs and writing poetry and crying in your bedroom and secretly dressing up like Hermione and memorizing fake spells to APPRECIATE IT. You’re such a Muggle, God, I cannot even believe how much of a fucking Muggle you are.

3. New York– Woke up this morning, took a drag off my Parliament, and looked out the grimy window of my 100-square-foot apartment. Saw a homeless man peeing on a schoolchild. Cool, I thought, looking further down the alley with a strangely complacent ennui, cool.

I briefly thought of scolding him, of tampering with the situation to slow it down to my pace, but then I thought—I can’t. I wouldn’t even if I could. This is My City’s pace, this is Her life, I’m just standing by it, watching it, taking it in. I’m just smoking my cigarette, letting Her pass over me like the sooty clouds left behind after the M13 bus. I would never want to change Her, no matter how hard it was when She left me without cab fare, stumbling and vomiting across the Brooklyn Bridge on the one night I made the foolish mistake of leaving my borough. My City will do that to you, and if you aren’t strong enough to handle Her, She’ll chew you up and spit you right out. You just wouldn’t get it–the bodegas, the thin pizzas, the food trucks, the heinous street fashion, the cool underground things you will never be a part of–it’s beyond your borders, man. You could never handle a city as glamorous/ trashy/ beautiful/ expensive/ original/ terrifying/ glittery/ urine-soaked/ brutal/ sexy/ dead behind the eyes as She is. Get out.

4. Fashion– I don’t just love fashion, I live fashion–and any other hyperbolic cliche about how important it is to me you can imagine. That dress you’re wearing–where did you get it? Oh. Okay. Yeah, I guess that store is okay. But, you know, it’s kind of cheap. But, like, not cheap in the good way. Not, like, 2 dollars at a consignment shop from the bottom of a cardboard box that someone was about to throw out. It’s, like, Forever 21 cheap. Is that a floral jumper? I think I just choked on my own vomit. Ugh, it’s like these homeless people have never heard of the Sartorialist–if they’re going to go for the destroyed denim look, they could at least pair it with a structured jacket. And smelling like garbage is so Italy circa 1974, and we’re trying to do a Prague circa 2002 thing right now. I just–I just don’t know if one can ever have enough oversized tee shirts with Kate Moss naked on the front of them, you know? But I guess that’s more of an existential question. I heard that bitch Carol got the internship at Proenza Schouler. What a whore. First of all, that whale of a size-6 wouldn’t know Free People from Anthropologie, and second of all–I totally deserved that position. Why would I want that job? What do you mean it’s just getting peed on by my superiors as I make no money slaving away at a heartless industry that promotes unhealthy body images and is more cattily competitive than Rock of Love Bus? Of course that’s what it is! How else do you stay thin unless you’re constantly worried about what people whom you can’t stand think about you? Idiot. TC mark

image – Anthony Quintano

Chelsea Fagan

Chelsea Fagan founded the blog The Financial Diet. She is on Twitter.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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More From Thought Catalog

  • Cameron

    Word. True dat.

  • http://twitter.com/cjhallman Carly J Hallman

    5. Most people– Ruined by their parents.

  • Hannah

    Hahaha soooo true about the French New Wave. 

  • Elle

    OMGZ I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WOULD WRITE SUCH MEAN THINGS ABOUT HARRY POTTER FANS! WE ARE NOT LIKE THAT!

    YOU are a FUCKING MUGGLE BITCH!

    • Pad Berson

      contemplating the fact that the author of this comment either (a) released her finger from the shift key or (b) turned off caps lock in order to type the words “are a” is causing a deep rupture in my being

      • Elle

        I was trying to emphasize “you” and “Fucking Muggle Bitch”.

        Sorry about that rupture.

      • Anon

        I just choked on my own saliva.

    • Chrissy

      Thank you for voicing what every HP fan would think. 

      People like this give a bad name to muggles. No wonder Voldermort wants to get rid of them. 

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

        No.

  • Banshee

    ahahaha, I love the last one.

  • L W

    ha! this article is so true! can i also say that hot topic and obsessive tween girls have ruined a lot of things (i’m thinking specifically of bands – like Tegan and Sara, for example), too? or if they haven’t ruined them, they’ve attached a giant stigma to them. 

    • DARKSTAR

      Yeah, Tegan and Sara were cool.  Teenagers definitely made them lame…

      • DARKSTAR

        Also, remember when middle school kids ruined Hawthorne Heights for everyone?  Ugh.

      • murrhurr

        is this joke? Because I kinda laughed

  • Kellie

    god you are such a smug little bitch — obviously everything you like is better than such mainstream common internet bullshit as “new wave” “harry potter” “new york city” and “fashion”!

    • Oliver Miller

      Kellie, we need to have a talk.

    • Sippycup

      Talking about “New York City” as if Paris isn’t the biggest cliche on earth.

      The only thing worse than people who say “hey I’m walkin’ in here”  is hearing about how fresh someones baguette is.

    • Sippycup

      Talking about “New York City” as if Paris isn’t the biggest cliche on earth.

      The only thing worse than people who say “hey I’m walkin’ in here”  is hearing about how fresh someones baguette is.

    • Sippycup

      Talking about “New York City” as if Paris isn’t the biggest cliche on earth.

      The only thing worse than people who say “hey I’m walkin’ in here”  is hearing about how fresh someones baguette is.

  • Sinead

    Love this, so true of so many people!!!

  • Anonymous

    Is Harry Potter really that big of a deal that people obsess about it? I mean, I knew it was a big deal commercially like in the same way the Toy Story franchise is a big deal, but I did not realize people got really over-the-top about it.

    • http://twitter.com/galette_rois Julian Galette

      Go on tumblr and search for Harry Potter. Or fanfiction.net. Harry Potter has a fandom akin to Twilight except it’s a little more creepy since those books have no inherent sexual themes. 

      • Anonymous

        Did not know that.

      • Anonymous

        Did not know that.

      • Anonymous

        Did not know that.

      • guest

        you obviously don’t spend enough time online

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000562823795 Joyce Er

      I’m an immense fan of Harry Potter myself, and thinking about it I don’t really know why it’s such a big deal to me. I guess it’s sort of how it was a major part of my childhood, and it’s a story I grew up with over the course of the past few years. (Fandom has gone absolutely ballistic over the past few weeks in particular because of the release of the last movie.) I guess part of the appeal is this entire universe that fans can immerse themselves in – there are all these admittedly addictive Facebook quizzes on obscure characters and events and everything. I guess it’s kind of a ‘you had to be there’ thing really.

      • Anonymous

        That’s really cool and I’m not knocking it– I was really into sci-fi and fantasy books as a kid, too. I just didn’t realize Harry Potter had the full blown Star Wars/Star Trek fandom thing going for it.

  • Anonymous

    5. Thought Catalog

  • http://fazed-girl.blogspot.com Samantha

    I was just going to comment with “Ron and MALFOY?!” until I realized that this makes me fall under category 2.

    Oh well.

  • mollusk

    I’m tired of hearing about new york

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1392661917 Olivia Tiberio

      wasn’t that entirely the point of the part about new york? 

  • Katgeorge

    HILARIOUS/AMAZING/SO GOOD/LUFF xx

    • Stefan

      I liked this comment because it’s obviously not serious and so I thought it was funny. 

      (please disregard if your comment was not at all in jest.)

  • http://twitter.com/t_baugh Travis Baugh

    eh

  • Uhnonnymus

    People like you are what ruin these things.

  • Weeb

    Couldn’t think of 5 like in all your other articles?

  • guest

    fuck the sartorialist

  • anaisana

    Such a kill joy. You’re a bit like a pair of woollen underwear, fingernail soup and Mondays.

    • LOL!

      hahaha fingernail soup. this image both disgusts and delights me. 

  • Anonymous

    Don’t hate on the Harry Potter unless you want pitchforks at YOUR door!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    “Saw a homeless man peeing on a schoolchild”
    Are you sure that *wasn’t* R. Kelly?

  • http://heartandhymn.tumblr.com britt

    tyler perry movies are horrible, and KFC is delicious.
    and i’m saying this as a black person.

    • Anonymous

      KFC is a sick, pathetic joke compared to Popeye’s, though.

      • http://heartandhymn.tumblr.com britt

        i’ll give you that, chelsea. i’ll give you that.

  • Bean

    you are the definition of a hater. we all know your type, awkward and unaccepted youth yearning to fit in somewhere, anywhere…yet you don’t – so instead of becoming an interesting or admirable person in your own right you go in the opposite direction. unaccepting, judgemental, bitter – writing in an overly verbose style about all of the things you feel you have some “in” on that would allow you to comment with superiority. hater hater hater, gonna hate. 

  • Lucy

    also … you copied and pasted that New York excerpt from another one of your writings.

  • Chels

    seems like your sad you can’t relate to any of these things that many find wonderful

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