Over a year ago I wrote an article where I interviewed 6 men who had cheated on their significant other, and asked their “real” reasons for doing so.
To my surprise, that article got a ton of feedback. I wouldn’t exactly consider that article a hard hitting “high-brow” piece of writing, however, I did always plan to write a similar article with gender reversal and ask women the same questions. But when it became somewhat of a controversial article, re-published by many sites, with many, many comments (many mentioning that it was unfair to only say men cheat, it was ‘sexist’, so on and so forth, you get the idea), I decided to let the kettle simmer until I wrote another article from 6 women’s reasoning’s for why they cheated.
If I’m completely, and brutally honest (which will offend a few women, sorry in advance), realistically, I think women cheat just as much as men. Lets not forget there are several types of cheating. Emotional, physical, mental. But, I still think there is just as many women who cheat as there are men. To be honest, I just think women are a bit smarter at hiding it most of the time.
I finally decided to sit down 6 women I know personally who have cheated or had an affair and asked them the same questions as I previously asked the men. [Names have been changed for privacy]. Side note: I do not condone, agree with, or find cheating acceptable in any form.
1. Taken For Granted
Chelsea Ellise: What would you say the main reason was that you cheated?
Steph: I was feeling really taken for granted and unappreciated, and we had many fights over it yet nothing was changing. I didn’t want to just give up on our relationship, but at the same time I met somebody who really appreciated and built me up everyday and finally I gave into that. I gave into that ego boost, that appreciation I had been longing for.
Chelsea Ellise: In all honesty, do you regret it? Steph: This is horrible, but no. I don’t. I’ve actually been with the guy who showed me the appreciation at that time for almost three years, now.
Chelsea Ellise: Do you at least regret the way it was handled? Steph: Yes. Of course. It got messy and it didn’t need to be.
2. Open Relationship
Chelsea Ellise: Rachel, I’m actually most excited to interview you. You and your boyfriend have a bit of a peculiar set up, don’t you?
Rachel: [Laughs] You could call it that.
Chelsea Ellise: You used to despise the thought of cheating, I remember, you absolutely hated it!
Rachel: Yeah, back then, the notion of cheating might as well have been the holocaust to me. It fucking disgusted me.
Chelsea Ellise: Yet now, you’re in an open relationship. A comfortable one too! Can you tell me how that came to be?
Rachel: Oh god, I might be single by the end of this. Seriously, from the get go we both cheated. We both knew we wanted to be together, but we went through all this back and forth of him being away, us doing long distance, then I would find out he cheated, so I would go cheat, he would find out, so he would go cheat, it was like keeping tally, who could hurt each other most. But, we didn’t want to emotionally be with anybody else and still don’t.
Chelsea Ellise: So how did you guys broach of the subject of perhaps having an open relationship?
Rachel: He just said to me one day, “Look, it’s going to happen. I love you, but we aren’t in the same city, we’re in our twenties, we’re both attractive, and we both go out a lot. Why don’t we figure out a way to not hate each other for doing that”
Chelsea Ellise: I still can’t believe you went for that, just knowing you.
Rachel: I can’t either. It still kind of grosses me out but I just don’t think about it and just do my own thing.
3. Caught In The Act
Chelsea Ellise: Hi, Hannah. I’m going to have to grill you a bit here because lets be honest, the way you got caught cheating was brutal.
Hannah: Ugh, no kidding.
Chelsea Ellise: So, you had been with Elliot for 3 years and you went to a Cinco De Mayo party a couple years ago. Can you elaborate from there?
Hannah: I can, but will I? [Laughs]. Just kidding. Yeah, we were going to a fiesta party or whatever, so of course we were already hammered. When Elliot and I drank together it was world war 3, we always fought. So, that’s what happened. And I got black out and basically decided “ Well fuck him, he takes me for granted anyways” and I hooked up with this really good looking guy I had been flirting with for months.
Chelsea Ellise: And then…
Hannah: Oh god. Alright. And then me and this other guy, we started having sex in the freezer of the pub we were at, and I guess my ex had realized I wasn’t around so him and his buddy came looking for me, heard shit going down in the freezer, opened it and basically saw us dead in the act.
Chelsea Ellise: That’s gnarly. I still can’t get over that. Drunk or not, would you say it all stemmed from feeling like he was ungrateful for what he had in you?
Hannah: Totally. And also, a bit, this is embarrassing, but I thought he would eventually cheat or leave me anyways. Things hadn’t been going well.
4. I Was Done With Him
Chelsea Ellise: Amber, what was your reason for cheating?
Amber: It’s as simple as this. I was done with him. But, we lived together. We shared a dog. Shared cable, shared wifi, shared a car, we were close with each other’s parents. I was working two jobs and going to school and I just didn’t have the energy to break up. I think he probably cheated and did the same, he just never got caught. I didn’t go out of my way to sleep with other people but if it happened, it happened.
5. In Need Of An Orgasm
Chelsea Ellise: What about you. Chloe? What was your reasoning?
Chloe: I sound like such a bitch, I honestly really did love him but… his penis was just so small and it didn’t do anything for me. Like, I could never get off. And I’m a sexual person. I needed to get off.
Chelsea Ellise: What’s that saying? “It isn’t the size of the ship but the motion of the ocean?”
Chloe: That saying is bullshit. The ocean isn’t always moving the way you want it to, okay? It’s about the size of the ship. It is 100% about the size of the ship. Dick. Can I just say size of the dick? Cause that’s the truth. I could barely feel it! What’s a girl to do?
Chelsea Ellise: You’re a ridiculous human being, you know that? I don’t even know what to say back to that. I’m going to move on and leave that there!
Chelsea Ellise: Okay Tina, last but not least. Why did you cheat?
Tina: Because I was insecure and looking for anybody to validate me and build me up because at that time, I couldn’t do it myself, so any guy who showed interest made me feel worth something, validated, hot, whatever. It was pathetic but that was my struggle, it was my insecurities. Still is.
Chelsea Ellise: Thank you guys all so much for answering my questions honestly, I really appreciate it and hopefully the readers will too!