This Is Why I’m Apologizing To Any Woman That Has Ever Been A Mistress

Joel Sossa
Joel Sossa

At some point or another, everybody has encountered The Mistress. Sometimes, The Mistress is the enemy that destroyed what you once had. Other times, The Mistress may be your best friend, your sister, a TV/Film character, or perhaps, even yourself. Whatever it is, we are all somehow familiar with The Mistress.

I think, generally, one of the hardest parts about knowing The Mistress or of The Mistress is acknowledging the very crippling reality that The Mistress actually is even a presence and that she or they truly exist in a very real and tangible way. Personally, one of the hardest things for me about knowing of The Mistress was having to face the reality that her undoubtedly, very calculated plan, had actually worked. See, this was the hardest blow for me to face, because, this meant a few things I didn’t really ever want to have acknowledge.

It meant a couple things that were hard to swallow and near impossible to wrap my head around.

 For one, it meant that a man I had always seen as extremely intelligent, looked up to, even idolized, who’s intelligence and way of being, I had always admired and aspired to emulate, was in fact, naïve, easily manipulated, and for lack of better words, quite dim or acting quite dim. But, it also meant that The Mistress, had played every card she had flawlessly,

she had placed every piece of her game tactics ever so carefully yet, brilliantly,

and that meant that this manipulative woman, ended up doing a bang-up job of being able to say ‘checkmate’.

To put it simply, she had proven herself to be too smart, and proven that under her reign, he was at a lack of intelligence. 

Moreover, it also meant something else, and this is the one that really threw me into the chipper: This meant that there was a mere reality that people (and specifically women in this case) whom set out with an unprovoked vendetta and/or malice towards an undeserving family, or a sacred union, with pure intent to destroy and insert or place themselves in the spot they had their eye on, regardless of the devastation it takes or causes-would always be present, and at the time, The Mistress became very present in my life. Not only does this type of woman exist, but she also exists without any apology, without any remorse, and without any guilt.

As a woman, that alone, dumbfounded me.

The lack of remorse for destroying another woman’s union, marriage and family

as well as crumbling a daughter in the process, even though she was a woman, a mother, had been a wife, had a daughter and was a daughter herself, still went ahead with her actions, left me absolutely gob-smacked. Not only myself, but it as well flabbergasted, dumbfounded and left my surrounding family and friend group of women in an awe of disgust. I must say, I’ve been incredibly blessed to have stand up, honest, genuine, good hearted and kind women in my life. These are all the women that have raised me and taught me the importance of being supportive and kind to other women, instead of catty or threatened.

These are the women who have raised and taught me to instill value into the next generation of women, my own, or somebody else’s, really at the end of the day, it’s of no matter. What’s of matter is instilling proper values and morals, and to put it lightly; it scares the ever living shit out of me that women such as The Mistress take it upon themselves to raise a child when clearly she deeply lacks a moral compass and has no business raising another woman, let alone any child of any gender, when not only does she not respect other women, but most of all, does not respect herself.

However, that being said, I’m no fool. I’m not incredulous to the fact that usually, no man steps out on his wife, his fiancé, his girlfriend, his “whatever” you’d like to call her, unless he wants to.

The man, in any willing affair scenario is absolutely to blame, far more than she. I truly am aware of that.

But my yearning question being a woman myself, was what kind of self respecting woman would know that a man was married and clearly had not divorced his wife for a reason, and yet sets out to insert herself and propel the demise of a marriage for her own benefit?

The saddest part of my personal experience with The Mistress, was finding out that she once had encountered and been heartbroken, shattered, and demised into an insecure woman herself, by her previous husband having his own affair with his own mistress. Yet, that didn’t stop her. Once that came to my knowledge, I realized that if her own experience of devastation inflicted by The Mistress in her life at one point hadn’t stopped her from being one herself in any sense, nothing would. Was that repulsive? Yes. Pathetic? To say the least.

However, gaining that one piece of knowledge immediately alleviated all feelings of hatred and anger towards her. It was then, my anger turned to sadness for her. My hatred turned into “you poor soul”. Because it became clear in an instant, that that’s all she was. She was a poor soul, derived of integrity, moral, and self worth.

It was then, that I realized, that every woman who has ever willingly been The Mistress,

they all possessed the same issues and insecurities that led them into being The Mistress.

They all possessed the same lack of self worth, dignity and respect for themselves that I, nor any of the women in my life, would luckily, never have to feel nor encounter, because luckily enough for the strong, good willed women of my life and of this world, we will never allow ourselves to ever amount to such a low sense of being.

So, to the dearest Mistress, believe it or not, even though you should be the one apologizing, I am sorry. We; the goodhearted mothers, daughters and women of the world, are deeply sorry. Yes, WE are sorry. 

We are sorry that you wake up everyday with a lack of self worth. We are sorry that somewhere along the way, you forgot to not only respect others, but yourself. We are sorry that you’ve found it so difficult to find a relationship and a man in an organic way, that instead you lower yourself and resort to malice.

Yes, we are sorry. We are sorry that you are one of the women of this world that is a sole example of why women so often hate one another. We are sorry that you have belittled yourself into being a person who preys on the weak for your own gain. We are sorry that honesty and honorability is something that has been lost on you, and something that you will not ever get to feel. 

We are sorry that you didn’t feel good enough about yourself, that you relied on “winning” to validate whatever it is you needed validated. We are truly and deeply sorry for whatever it is that has happened to you, or happened in your life, to allow you to live with vindictiveness and spite within you that you actually have the nerve to act upon.

Not only are we sorry, but we also thank you. We; the goodhearted women of the word, deeply thank you for reminding us of what we will never allow ourselves to be, our friends to be, our family to be, or our daughters to be. We truly thank you for showing us and reminding us of what a crazy, mean and gutless, conscience lacking woman looks like, so that we can be sure to never allow ourselves or the women we love to come close to that.

So, here is an ode to you,
The Mistress: 
You poor soul, we are sorry, 
but thank you,
For you have reminded us of what we will never be,
And within that,
Alleviated all of the scorned ones anger, and left us without worry. 
TC mark

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  • http://betrayedbutsurviving.wordpress.com betrayed but surviving

    Quite agree, I was betrayed a long time ago (when I was pregnant,he went off with my best friend) and it made me turn to being the other woman – I wanted to hurt, I wanted to get revenge and I wanted to use… Just like I was.

    Now? I am in a relationship (a loving one or so I thought) – I have been cheated on again.
    Trust? I have none. I am definately not a people person now, I am wary of everyone – men and women.

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