1. “Signals”. What are signals?!? How does everybody know how to pick up on them except for me? I do not understand the eye lingering signal or the game. I will not pick up on them. I will not understand if you like me or not via signals! Ever.
2. How come I can’t discuss how much I want some McDonalds in the bar with a guy and still be sexy? WE COULD EAT BURGERS TOGETHER!
3. Perpetually giving off the “taken” or “not interested” vibe even when I’m dead single. I’m not meaning to, I’m just bad at flirting. Or busy daydreaming about that burger.
4. HOW DO I DO THIS? What am I wearing? Is this too much? Too little? Do I talk enough? Not enough? What happens when there is an awkward silence? OH GOD, THE AWKWARD SILENCES. Maybe I should cancel. I really just want a burger anyway.
5. How do you do that witty banter thing? In no way am I cool enough to witty banter with you and drop sexual innuendos as if it’s my day job.
6. If he touches my leg, did he mean to or was it an accident? Do I touch his back? WHAT NOW? I should punch him in the chest in a playful way, right? Right.