In honor of my own self-discovery, I want to teach others how to connect back to their origin and to welcome themselves home.
An integral piece of my growth and discovery was asking myself, “How can you look into the mirror of someone else and expect to see an accurate reflection of yourself?” I was shook at first. I had to say it out loud, four times over and then, I asked how long I’d done that. How long did I look into others for my answers? For my truths? For approval? For validation? For affection?
Eleven months ago, in my previous relationship, I allowed myself to value his reflection of me more than my own. gave permission to dismantle everything and rearrange it in a way that was appealing to him. I felt the agonizing removal of each brick in my fortress until I was nothing but rubble. I broke my moral pillars for someone that refused to acknowledge what I was. He obscured my reflection enough that I felt that I wasn’t worth his approval so, in no way was I worthy of my own.
I tried fighting my way through it. Each time his reflection of me would say “You’re not good enough. You don’t measure up. He won’t want you if you can’t get a grip on yourself.” Each time my heart felt trampled. I couldn’t uphold the reflection he wanted to see.
It never even occurred to me that his expectations were the issue, that explains why I spent a year after that trying to fit a mold that wasn’t meant for me, for any woman. I had to reach a point of extreme deprivation and exhaustion to see clearly. He twisted me into something I wasn’t purely for his own gain. I didn’t even recognize myself and when I came to the terrifying realization I knew it was time to clean up my life.
I purged every awful, malicious thing he convinced me I was. I spent time with the me I knew I was. I nurtured the me I knew I could become. I came to understand my worth and it’s way more than he could ever afford. He could never reflect what I truly was because he refused to comprehend my rarity. He wanted to make of me what he felt was, easier to tolerate. Bullshit. I am a confident woman who stands tall in her truth. If I cowered in fear, I would still be stuck, thinking that it’s okay to be minimized by someone else. I would still be looking to someone else for my approval.
I approve of myself and that’s truly all that I need. Having my own approval will immediately dismiss people that do not wish to take me as I am. So, grant yourself your approval. Connect to your origin, not the one outlined by others. Trust your own reflection. Stop seeking approval in the world around you; begin cultivating the world within to make changes in the world externally.