Every morning you wake up and you have to remind yourself of a few things; remind yourself he chose her, remind yourself he’s not the guy you fell in love with anymore, remind yourself of the pain he caused when he completely shattered your heart and left you there to gather up all the broken pieces and fit them together again.
The memories come to you in waves, slowly at first making it hard to breathe and then all at once they pull you under the surface, engulfing you in them.
Or at least that’s what it feels like. Heartbreak is messy.
It starts with staying up all night crying yourself endless rivers of tears, just to fall asleep and dream of him, locked in a constant nightmare. It’s breaking down at three in the afternoon because you heard that song, the one he told you reminded him of you two. It’s not eating because the thought of food just makes you want to literally get sick. It’s watching a movie and seeing something you so desperately want to tell him then remembering you can’t. It’s remembering he isn’t your best friend anymore.
It’s reliving all your favorite memories; a horror movie on repeat.
Like the time he came to visit you at work when you guys were just friends. You remember how you actually had the courage to ask him for a hug because you just couldn’t imagine getting through the night without it. Or your first date. McDonald’s. Simple but to you, perfect. A memory you will never be able to burn out of your mind.
He promised you so many things, so you let down all your walls and let him flood inside. You thought for sure he was different because he knew exactly what to say and how to act.
But he isn’t that guy anymore.
Somewhere within your love story, there was a plot twist. He turned into all the things he swore he never would. The person who wasn’t ever supposed to break you did. The one person who was supposed to be your shoulder through everything was suddenly the car that hit you, causing all the pain.
You fought so hard to make it work. And he walked away like it was as easy as breathing for him. Like you meant absolutely nothing. Like all your memories, the love you shared, never existed.
He chose her over you. He picked someone he barely knew over the one person that would have done absolutely anything in the world for him. How does someone do that to another person? That question haunts you, tears you apart on the inside. A question that you have to learn to never have an answer to.
It’s not fair he’s happy, it’s not fair they’re happy; living the life that was supposed to be yours. But their happiness won’t last forever. I promise. Eventually, he will realize how badly he messed up. He will realize that he walked away from the one person who never would have given up on him. The one person who believed in him when no one else did. The one girl who loved him more than she ever even should have. More than he deserved.
But by that time, it’ll be much too late. That girl will have realized she deserves the world, she deserves someone who never has to question their love for her. Someone who loves her just as much as she loved you.
And she will find that someday. Maybe not tomorrow, or next week or even five months from now. But someday she will find someone who loves her when she’s sad, mad, a complete mess or absolutely happy.
Heartbreak has no specific cure, it can take any amount of unspecified time. You just have to keep remembering that you’re stronger than all this and eventually it does get easier, you get better and life moves on. And that even on your darkest nights, daylight is just on the horizon.