It was one of those days when you wake up thinking it’s going to be a regular Thursday and suddenly you’re completely blindsided, flat on your back and confused as hell. It was like I had the wind knocked out of me. I wanted to cry or scream, but I was having difficulty just breathing.
I was let go from my job – a job I attached a fuckload of my identity to. I was simply told that I was no longer needed. I had never felt so small and insignificant. My millions of self-deprecating thoughts were laughing at me, defining me and judging me. I felt pretty fucking worthless.
Combine inadequacy with an abundance of time on my hands. No work, no school and no other options. I was in a seemingly endless waiting period and I was not comfortable with it. I wanted out, now.
Be patient, Chelle. Easier said than done. Hold on while I refer to my Pinterest board of quotes to live by: Patience is a virtue. Que sera sera. Everything happens for a reason. Give it time. If it’s meant to be, it will be.
Truthfully, I want things to happen fast and I want things to happen now. In fact, I wanted them to happen yesterday. How’s that for patient?
As I attacked the job hunt with guns blazing, I only faced more rejection. Opportunities kept falling through and my fire kept being snuffed out. Putting myself down, I slipped into a space of numbness. Netflix binges, a messy apartment, tears and all the woe-is-me I could muster.
Amidst my pity party and while checking my email, an article called The Principles of Active Waiting showed up by Danielle Laporte. Talk about timely – the universe is cool like that.
“Make space in your life for the inevitable arrival of what you want.” It makes sense. How could I expect to have an awesome new job that I loved if I was harbouring major self-doubt, professionally and personally?
I realized that I needed to start fresh, spend time working on ‘me’ and stop being a crazy worrier about the future. Instead of fighting against the rejection I felt, I needed to embrace it whole-heartedly – and learn a few valuable lessons the hard way. Here are five ways to use that resistance to live a life you actually want.
1. Get clear about your wants.
Having free time allows you to take a giant step back and dig into the things you truly desire. What are you looking for? What are your strengths? What were you missing before? What are you good at, but also love to do?
2. You don’t need all the answers.
But you do need to make a decision, choose a direction and lean into it. Start journaling and have a few in-depth conversations with people you admire and trust. You may decide to pursue a different path, or keep walking along the one you’re already on. Choose what inspires you and figure the rest out later.
3. Stop victimizing and start creating.
It’s easy to self-sabotage and fall into the trap of ‘not good enough.’ To avoid that, make a commitment to create every damn day. It doesn’t matter if what you create is perfect, it just matters that you are doing the work. Take action instead of just waiting for life to magically happen.
4. Start to show up for your life.
Say goodbye to excuses, and instead work on yourself. Do everything that you didn’t have the time or capacity for – and cut out the things that were weighing you down. Get serious about starting something new, join a local club or studio and spend quality time with family and friends. Open yourself up.
5. Make yourself more available.
By being good to yourself and by focusing your energy on the shit that actually matters, you make room in your life for new opportunities. Be calm instead of frantic and stop worrying about what comes next. By actively waiting you become more open and available for not only a new job, but also the right one.
I realized that I was being future-focused and measuring my self-worth against my career. I was trying to erase my feelings of inadequacy by desperately landing a new job as soon as possible. I was creating a victim complex and being way too hard on myself. I was dismissing any potential to learn from this waiting period. Most of all, I wasn’t being present.
Be patient with the resistance you feel, because it won’t last forever. Show up and meet the universe head on.
Where you are right now is exactly where you’re supposed to be. If you find yourself in a waiting period – blindsided and flat on your back – the only thing to do is embrace it. Use it to your advantage. Meet people, try something new and go create. Do all that you can to be available for what you desire and make space for the next life adventure that is on its way.