Even more than sports, politics reduces once logical people to over-emotional children, who feel their emotion renders them an expert.
Take the things that need to be combined in a bowl and combine them in a bowl. This usually involves something wet and something dry and powder-like. Combine them until they are no longer individuals.
What was this magical phrase? What did it mean? How could I, a simple man, harness its great power?
You know that friend of yours who wants to tell you about a new movie, and you ask them not to, but they insist what they’re describing isn’t important to the plot, even though it’s a shot by shot description of the ending? Do you have a friend like that?
I don’t know about you, but the New Year’s resolution I make most often while watching the fireworks is that I need to watch more fireworks. They are so absorbing that I completely ignore whoever I’m standing with, and if someone even dares to talk to me, I simply mutter, “Please, shut up.”
Many are wondering whether the DVD vending machine will be up to the task, but CEO Paul Davis has no such worries. “The Redbox kiosk has bright graphics, a touch screen display, and a broad selection of titles. That’s a lot of talent.”
A lot of emotions will run through your mind. Is this is a joke? Will the interviewer be cute? How much will they pay me, and how much will they pay me off if I threaten to spill company secrets? Don’t respond with any of these questions.
Pumpkins have been riding the coattails of pumpkin pie for years. It is everyone’s first and only defense of the pumpkin. I put it to you sir or madam that you do not like pumpkin pie as much as you think you do. Have you ever eaten it without ice cream? Ice cream is quite the crutch for pumpkin pie, because the great pies – cherry, lemon meringue, and humble pie – don’t need ice cream to carry them over the finish line.
When I think about it, sex is really the only time I’ve ever heard my neighbors. It bothers me that I don’t hear other things, like baking. I’d love to hear baking! Let’s get some eclectic sounds on this apartment mix tape. Maybe some sex, some baking, a vuvuzela, just to shake things up a little.
The aisles of grocery stores are filled with them, some thicker than others, some with patterns, and some sold in packs of two or four or six, but never three, never three. Why the other day I saw something called “Choose-A-Size” paper towels! Choose-A-Size! I spit out my drink, dropped seven monocles, and fainted (which didn’t hurt, as I fell against the paper towels).