Do you remember the week prior to you leaving? That was the week where I lost myself completely – not the period after you left. I could tell that our relationship was like a dying flame and there I was, attempting to salvage the glowing ambers by tossing in parts of myself to keep it alive.
But you ignored my messages, ignored my pleas, ignored our relationship altogether. What used to be a ferocious and passionate fire between us was dying. Everyone saw it coming, even I did. You deliberately made it clear to me that it was going to end, thinking it would prepare for the worst part. Wrong.
You see, when you know a slap is incoming, you will still feel the pain when the hand meets your face. Even when you know it’s coming, it hurts. And your heart shatters into a million pieces. But you fall back, and you fall deeper into a pit of darkness. Your brightest ray of light is gone. That person is gone. And for a while, you’ll feel helpless. You flail around blindly, hoping that the person will be there again. But he’s not. And never will be.
But losing you was the beginning of recovering the parts of me I’ve lost while love ran its course.
Instead of showering someone else with love, I showered myself with love. Tender, loving care which I very much needed. I made myself happy by rediscovering life, that there is so much more to life than blaming yourself over a break up.
Because from that point on, I became my own brightest ray of light.