I Keep Falling For Your Almost Love

Guilherme Veloso

The moment I see you with that chaotic glimmer in your eyes, I look away. When you catch my attention again, I see this slippery smile on your face that makes the devil look good. I smile back.

But what am I really smiling for? To be lied to? To be played with? These feelings I grow for you, are they real or fake? What are you doing to me? What’s in the drink you mixed? Two parts vodka and one part sugary infatuation? I let you hug me the first time we meet, but through this immediate touch, I also let you into my heart. It’s only been a couple weeks, but somehow I can’t stop thinking about you.

It’s only getting worse. The more time passes, the more poems I write in hopes to forget you, the more I want to feel your touch again.

The more I want you to spell my name so I can make sense of this delirium you created. I feel like you’ve led me into a haunting. You cloud my judgement, and I’m stuck in this dangerous curse. You say we’re “just friends,” but you also whisper dirty, dangerous, little lies into my ears to intoxicate me:

“I think you’re really great.”

“I want to see you soon. When can I see you again?”

“I really like you.”

Days become weeks; I feel you slipping through my fingers. My heart races every time you leave me unseen. Are you forgetting about me? Is it a sign of a bad omen?

Please don’t leave me attached like this. I can’t get a hold of you anymore.

Do I actually want you bad? I’m too young to be this heartbroken.

You Snap me greasy bar food against my Snaps of the wind in my hair. You Snap me pictures of another girl, and you caption them with the overwhelming words: “look at my cute babe.” Who am I to you then?

A joke, a lie, a pastime.

I’m losing sleep because of you.

When I do manage to fall asleep, I am submerged in these nightmares where you are just a mere reflection of the devil. I fall deeper into these wild thoughts; you’re like a wave of electric ecstasy. You leave me feeling high; I can’t come down. You want me, but it hurts because you want her more.

I don’t even want you that bad. I don’t need you in my life. I can’t let creatures live in my head, so I need to wake up from this mad nightmare, you. TC mark

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