I’ve been single for a while now, even when I didn’t want to be. I walk around busy summer streets and I see couples entwined, sugar-laced blood racing through their sweaty bodies while I feel a chilly breeze. I watch my good friends get into new flings with their baes while I’m sitting at home watching The Bachelorette/The Bachelor. I go out into every crevice of this world in hopes to find the kind of authentic and real love that is displayed to us right between our eyes, only to be left in an exhausting, frustrating, and suffocating love drought.
Beyonce says only “you and me could stop this love drought,” but I wonder, if Jay Z is her “you,” then who is mine? And where the heck do I find him?
After a couple years of being stuck in this super dry and thirsty (if you know what I mean) circumstance, I’ve realized that there’s probably a reason for why I am here, while others are on floating clouds and sweet summertime paradises. And this realization comes in stages:
1. It’s okay I need this break. Screw guys, don’t need no man to make me happy!
2. Ugh, you’ve got ANOTHER boyfriend? Where are you finding all these guys? Do you have some magical trick up your sleeve? TEACH ME YOUR WAYS.
3. I’m too busy; ain’t nobody got time for dat. Gotta focus on being #Boss and getting that $$$$$ tho.
4. Okay, there’s something wrong with me. I must not be attractive enough. Am I not pretty or skinny enough? WHAT IS GOING ON?
5. STFU I’m perfect the way I am. I can’t rush this. It happens by accident; it can’t be forced. Patience.
6. Love from others is not the only thing in the world. You know what’s the most important form of love? Loving yourself.
I’m still in this love drought, but I’ve learned a lot more about myself than I would ever have if I was in a relationship. I stopped chasing for the “him,” I stopped feeling so desperate and bad for myself when I was alone. I stopped telling myself that there was something wrong with me when it isn’t anyone’s fault of not being in love.
I stopped finding “him” and started finding myself.
Although occasionally I have meltdowns and midnight talks with my friends about these single problems, I started learning from this situation that I’m in.
I learned that I am so passionate, curious, and ambitious about my future and my wildest dreams. I learned that my heart is bigger than the rest of my body, that it is so attracted to loving and caring for others and not tanned bodies or piercing blue eyes.
I learned that my friends and family are there for me at my worst, and even if they aren’t there sometimes, I still have myself to count on.
You learn to make time for just yourself and nobody else. You learn that it’s okay to not feel okay. You learn that yea sometimes it’ll suck, but there are other precious things worth your time and attention; like, taking up new hobby, becoming so invested in your dreams/passions that you can’t sleep at night, becoming educated about the world, giving back to your community, spending time taking care of yourself, meeting more people that you’ve ever met last year, and more.
You learn that you deserve the best life, one that is beautiful and free.
So how do you stop the love drought? You don’t. You get through it by embracing it for what it is, fighting through all the doubts, worries, and dark/ lonely hours.
Maybe along this dangerous yet unpredictable journey, you’ll find a sparkling treasure that is worth more than gold. What’s the treasure? You’ll know when you see it, but I hope it’ll be a good mason jar of icy cold water with lemons, limes, and love, to quench that scorching thirst that is.