9 New Sex Rules Every Man Should Memorize

*If you plan on sleeping with a woman any time soon.

1. If something is going right, keep doing it.

There is nothing worse than being with a man who has a good stroke, who is doing everything the way he should, and getting you close — only to have him switch it up at the last minute. Changing rhythms too often, getting really fast when she is clearly enjoying it slow, or not respecting how sensitive she is down there, just makes for bad sex. Period. Women are not something that needs to be pounded at like a jackhammer breaking up concrete. It’s all about finding where she’s happy, and keeping it going until she asks you to change.

2. Casual sex is not a male or female thing.

Some men enjoy hooking up. Some women enjoy hooking up. Some men don’t. Some women don’t. The thing about heterosexual casual sex is that it requires two consenting partners, one of each gender, who want the same thing at that time. And, yes, not everyone is going to be interested in going home together after a night at the bar. But it’s very unfair to act like men have the freedom to experiment and sleep around and have one-night stands, and women don’t. If you disrespect the women who sleep with you, but still expect them to get you off, there is something wrong with you.

3. People have pubes.

If you are expecting a woman to shave herself entirely, you had better be ready to do the same. It’s just really weird to insist that the person you’re with look like a 12-year-old version of themselves, and you get to walk around like a caveman. (And, by the way, aren’t we over the totally bare look yet?)

4. Sluts don’t exist.

Someone who has had more sexual partners than you are comfortable with is someone that you don’t have to sleep with. Someone who has cheated, lied, or betrayed a partner is a cheater or a liar, and also someone you don’t have to sleep with. Both of these people can be either male or female, but somehow they only end up getting called a slut when it’s a woman doing these things. If someone isn’t hurting anyone, they definitely don’t need such a harsh label. If someone is hurting someone, there are many more apt terms that don’t involve the “s” word.

5. Protection is not an inconvenience, it’s mandatory.

Don’t play dumb at the last minute like you don’t have a condom, or they itch you, or you can’t wear one for spiritual reasons, or you don’t know what a condom is. If you aren’t willing to wear protection with a new person, you aren’t willing to have sex with them.

6. Don’t expect to receive if you aren’t willing to give.

Oral sex isn’t guaranteed to anyone, but it is a great part of life. Everyone, if they want to have good oral, should find someone who enjoys performing it and is good at what they do. But even someone who is incredibly giving should be entitled to get it back if they want it. It’s very unfair, and frankly no fun, to constantly expect your partner to treat you to head if you aren’t willing to go down in return. If you think it’s gross to put your mouth on a vagina, you are not mature enough to be having sex yet.

7. Porn isn’t real.

The things you learn in porn — the hairless bodies, the insane screaming, the relentless pounding — are not real things. We understand that a lot of men are now learning their sex tactics from internet porn as they grow up (even though that is insane and weird if you think about it), but when you get with a real-life woman, it’s time to throw everything porn taught you out the window. We can always tell when a guy is imitating something he saw on YouPorn, and it’s not good.

8. Your dick alone probably isn’t good enough.

It’s not you. It’s just that most women can’t orgasm through penetration alone, and for some reason a lot of men think they have the one magic dick that’s going to erase thousands of years of biology and make regular sex good enough. But it’s not. Most women — not all, but most — need some other kind of stimulation during the act, or can’t come while being penetrated at all, and that doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with her. We just need to redefine what we think of as “real” or “complete” sex, because it definitely isn’t the same for both genders.

9. Big isn’t always better.

Some men really think that, because of their size, they are God’s gift to women and we should be excited to sleep with them. But this is insane, because they’re either a) slightly bigger than the average, in which case it doesn’t really make a difference or b) way too big, and regular sex causes pain, which isn’t good. In both cases, they tend to perform way worse overall because they think their package is all they need to please (but it’s not, see point 8). Yes, size matters in that women don’t really want a small one, but honestly it’s always better to take one that’s a little on the smaller side with a guy who really works it, than a big one attached to a lame, unknowledgeable guy. And besides, 99 percent of you are normal anyway, and you obsess over it way more than any woman ever has. TC mark

image – Matt Romack

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